While those of us in Onterrible are fortunate enough to have today off work thanks to the Feast of Maximum Occupancy, many working saps across this great nation of ours (and beyond) are stuck in their cubicles grinding the fine points off their life.
As such, we at Getting Blanked feel it our duty to keep these unfortunate souls abreast of all important and breaking news items. Today’s crucial bulletin? Zooey Deschanel plays fantasy baseball.
Last week Getting Blanked broke1 the exclusive story2 of the intense baseball fandom of Ben Gibbard, lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie & The Postal Service and husband to Deschanel. Whether or not Zooey’s fandom is Gibbard’s doing I”ll never know, but he accomplished the incredible feat of getting his wife to participate in fantasy baseball. For that, he should be lauded. Or harshly criticized. It depends on what you attempt to get out of fantasy baseball, I suppose.
Learning the Hipster Beyonce/preeminent ingénue of her generation co-manages a fantasy baseball team named the Burbank Puppies shook me to the core. More importantly, she takes it seriously! Well, as seriously as anyone with priorities takes fantasy baseball.
After putting out word that she needed draft suggestions, ESPN fantasy baseball guru Matthew Berry (aka the Talented Mr. Roto) did what any middle-aged white man with a questionable BMI would do when Zooey Deschanel is in need: he fell all over himself offering up his services. Deschanel accepted his offer far more graciously than I accepted the restraining order and offer of professional counselling from the appellate judge.
I’m sure Matt Berry has plenty of sound advice to offer Ms. Deschanel but his motives are a little shady. I’d love to hear what kind of draft advice the good commenters of Getting Blanked would offer the She & Him frontwoman. Zooey tells us she’s in a head-to-head league with weekly set lineups. Go nuts, tell her your darkest of dark horses. Keep the twitter marriage proposals to a minimum though, she doesn’t usually respond. I uhhh, heard.
1 – Not true.
2 – Also fabricated.