Photo: Epicurious A-Rod

This ludicrous image is presented with minimal comment as it does most of the heavy lifting all on its own. Is there an athlete who takes himself more seriously than Alex Rodriguez? Is there an athlete who takes himself more seriously yet displays less self-awareness than A-Rod?

There is something eerily Zoolanderish about Alex Rodriguez, who seemingly does whatever his PR people tell him to do. Not that showing “another side” of the ballplayer is a bad thing but this photo simply makes him look like the empty, soulless vessel we all assume him to be.

This image is completely ridiculous. Just like Alex Rodriguez! My head is overflowing with dismissive quips to lob his way, most of which are unprintable – FOR ME! You, loyal Blankards, are free to go nuts in the comment section.

If you’re more of visual person, get Photoshopping and send the results my way. The cream of the crop will appear in this very post. Do your worst friends, Alex Rodriguez’s frail ego demands it! Submissions after the jump!

In honor of the commenter who proclaimed me a hater for wanting all ballplayers to be like Brian Wilson, here’s reader Chris Chapin’s version of…Alex Rodriguez as Brian Wilson! I think it’s a great look for A-Rod, really gives him an edge.

A-Rod is famous for his love of wiry blond women. You don’t get to be wiry overnight, it takes discipline of diet and lifestyle. Rodriguez’s latest ladyfriend Cameron Diaz re-imagined as a rabbit? I like it! Thanks to reader Patrick Chesney for the contribution.

Image courtesy of via Duk of Big League Stew.

Comments (20)

  1. Ina Garten thinks A-Rod needs to get out more.

  2. Lots of similiar images of players from that cookbook but you only show the A-Rod one. Envious hater who goes the easy route.

  3. That’s quite the grip he’s got there. If I weren’t at work, I’d go to town on this in Photoshop. What this image is really lacking is popcorn.

  4. Epi is not the prefix I would’ve gone with.

  5. I think I see nipple.

  6. no need for comments on this one; the comedy writes itself

  7. If Ichiro posed like that, I’d still take him seriously, because I’m fairly sure he could still hit a liner to the left field wall with that… spinach? Kale? Whatever the eff that is.

  8. Keep the blog about baseball. Who cares how seriously Arod takes himself. Are we suppose to think every player should act like Brian Wilson? Does ARod take himself more seriously than Roy Halladay? Of course not, but you guys want to shit all over a guy because everybody else is doing it. Shame on you. Speaking of frail ego’s…take a look at the latest posts on this very blog.

    Keep it about baseball. Is it that god damn difficult?

    • Does ARod take himself more seriously than Roy Halladay? Probably not. Does Roy Halladay manage to undercut his self-seriousness at every turn? Is Albert Pujols a punchline? No. That is the source of the comedy – the outcome is so far afield from the intention. Lighten up.

  9. He’s just trying to remember what Madonna’s labia felt like.

  10. Pictures like this of A-Rod always give me a “B-movie alien trying to pretend he’s not an alien but doing a really bad job of it” vibe.

  11. I’m sure that’s an actual photo, but for some reason it looks Photoshopped. Just check out his left hand – looks very disproportionate. A-ROD SMASH!

  12. If I knew how to photoshop, I would change the lettuce into a douchebag – it would be perfect then.

  13. Oh god I wish I knew how to use photoshop.

    Centaur, anyone?

  14. Enjoy his MVP run this year.

  15. The beard pic makes him look like the Old Spice guy

  16. Blonde wiry women? If A-Roid approaches within 10 km of Tricia Helfer, I will fucking kill him.

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