Subscribing to MLB.tv (the rich) or the Extra Innings package (the richer) or having access to shady websites that illegally stream baseball games (the degenerates) can sometimes be overwhelming. Well, considering my vast experience in doing it for women, please allow me to underwhelm you.

Here are tonight’s important matchups:

Oakland (Dallas “Mr. Perfect” Braden) at Toronto (Jesse “Ginger Beard Man” Litsch)

There were brief rumblings earlier this afternoon that Tyson Ross was going to get the call up and start in place of Dallas Braden. Whatever was worrying Braden about tonight’s start was probably quickly calmed when he saw that Mike McCoy would be in the lineup tonight as the Jays designated hitter. It’s the first time in his pro career he’s ever had the honour. Look out, Edgar Martinez.

Minnesota Twins (Carl “Mr. Yankee” Pavano) at New York Yankees (Freddy “Last Picked” Garcia)

Rafael Soriano apologized to the media for bailing after last night’s disasterpiece. He said that he felt badly for C.C. Sabathia who was the pitcher of record when the Yankees set up guy came into the game with a four run lead. After last night’s media maelstrom, Yankees writers weren’t sure what he was talking about this afternoon because they had just gotten word that Derek Jeter was taking a rest tonight.

San Francisco Giants (Tim “The Freak” Lincecum) at San Diego Padres (Tim Stauffer “In The Trunk”)

Watching Lincecum pitch is pretty much the most fun a neutral fan can have. Add the whole rivalry thing from last season when the Padres fell apart and the Giants won the division on the last game of the season, and this series should be as close to must watch baseball as a series in April can get. And that’s not even mentioning the fact that Brian Wilson has been taking off the Disabled List ahead of tonight’s game. Now, if only the Giants will be kind enough to create a situation in which he might be useful.

Boston Red Sox (Daisuke “10 Pitch K” Matsuzaka) at Cleveland Indians (Mitch “Slap” Talbot)

The only thing better than cheering on your favourite team is cheering on the hyperbolic levels of panic currently being spread in Boston after the city’s beloved Red Sox have started the season 0-4. I’d tell Boston fans to just imagine it as a four game losing streak in the middle of July, but I’d be fooling myself if I thought they’d take that any better. The Sox aren’t exactly sending their stopper to the mound tonight, but then again they are playing the Cleveland Indians.

Atlanta Braves (Mike “Don’t Buy Cigarettes For” Minor) at Milwaukee Brewers (Marco “Polo Eric” Estrada)

Two likely playoff contenders send their fifth starters to the mound in a battle to the death. It doesn’t really even matter who’s pitching for the Brewers. Watching Rickie Weeks is a pleasure.