Does this post need to be any longer than the title? Is this a point really worth making in the year 2011?

It would seem so, especially if you’re out for a few pints and you play for the Cleveland Racist-Nickname-Drunk-Drivin’-Flash-in-the-Pan Action Force. There is no need to sugarcoat it and I have no intention of getting inside the mind of drunken idiots.

You don’t need to ban booze in the clubhouse or enact sweeping curfews for grown men. Grown men should be able to go out and get drunk, especially when they have the money and they get to focus on the “drinking and broing down” aspect as the “meeting girls” aspect takes care of itself.

Drink all you want. Play hung over, open the window to weight-gain at 3am by flashfrying a buffalo (“Where are dewings???” he slurred to nobody in particular.) I don’t care. I expect literally nothing less.

Just don’t drive. The culture obviously needs changing and it needs it immediately. Suspend Ozzie for Tweeting about umps but let the dozens of drunk driving scum walk? Brutal. Just call a cab. Or organize a bus filled with hot tubs and strippers and whatever else. JUST DON’T DRIVE.

This might be easier when players live in “cities” not scattered around the suburbs of “metropolitan husks with no redeeming qualities” but guess what: I don’t care. Just stop.

Make a difference, be a leader. Forgo whatever code or reasoning prevents you from saying “Yo bro, you should take a cab. Or chill at my place. Or sleep in the dumpster behind this third-rate meat market. Anything other than get in your truck and drive. It’s a bad idea. Getting caught is literally the best case scenario. You jackass.”