This might be the most self-interested Matchmaker post in the long, storied history of Getting Blanked Matchmaker posts.

With Travis Snider raking his way back to the big leagues, the expiry date on the Corey Patterson Experience grows near. Patterson — to his eternal credit — keeps playing some reasonably inspired baseball for the Jays. Now is the time for Alex Anthopoulos and friends to capitalize on it, Alex Gonzalez-style.

Unfortunately (for Corey Patterson), it took far too long for baseball people to figure out what Corey Patterson is: a speedy corner outfielder with good power and zero plate discipline. He is good at some things (stealing bases, running into fastballs) and bad at others (making outs, playing centerfield, running the bases while the ball careens around the field). Any team with a need for the former while suffering the latter could do much worse than Corey.

The Detroit Tigers currently sit tied for the AL Central lead. They basically have the best pitcher and the second best hitter in the American League. With veterans around the diamond and a solid outfield duo of Brennan Boesch and Austin Jackson, the Tigers are well-positioned to take the wide-open Central.

Except for their great love of Ryan Raburn. There isn’t the time nor place to open the Can of Raborms, but know this: he isn’t very good. He REALLY can’t hit and plays mediocre left field. He’s bad against all pitchers but truly terrible versus right-handed pitching. He can’t really steal bases or offer much value on the baseball field.

Clearly, this is a team which needs to dabble in the Corey Patterson Dark Arts. The Tigers might use Andy Dirks from time to time in left but Jim Leyland loves vets and Corey Patterson is exactly that. Match made in heaven!

Would the Tigers have much to offer in return for Corey Patterson? Would Corey Patterson net any kind of return even if they did? No and….no. But anything they receive is greater than the “nothing” it cost to bring in the former top draft pick.

Jays fans can’t get greedy and expect to fleece anybody else like they picked the Braves pockets. Trying to boost a player from the Tigers top 10 prospects list is unlikely but surely Alex Anthopoulos can wring something worthwhile from the Tigers’ rusting hulk1.

1Detroit symbolism aka ruin porn alert!