This might be the most self-interested Matchmaker post in the long, storied history of Getting Blanked Matchmaker posts.

With Travis Snider raking his way back to the big leagues, the expiry date on the Corey Patterson Experience grows near. Patterson — to his eternal credit — keeps playing some reasonably inspired baseball for the Jays. Now is the time for Alex Anthopoulos and friends to capitalize on it, Alex Gonzalez-style.

Unfortunately (for Corey Patterson), it took far too long for baseball people to figure out what Corey Patterson is: a speedy corner outfielder with good power and zero plate discipline. He is good at some things (stealing bases, running into fastballs) and bad at others (making outs, playing centerfield, running the bases while the ball careens around the field). Any team with a need for the former while suffering the latter could do much worse than Corey.

The Detroit Tigers currently sit tied for the AL Central lead. They basically have the best pitcher and the second best hitter in the American League. With veterans around the diamond and a solid outfield duo of Brennan Boesch and Austin Jackson, the Tigers are well-positioned to take the wide-open Central.

Except for their great love of Ryan Raburn. There isn’t the time nor place to open the Can of Raborms, but know this: he isn’t very good. He REALLY can’t hit and plays mediocre left field. He’s bad against all pitchers but truly terrible versus right-handed pitching. He can’t really steal bases or offer much value on the baseball field.

Clearly, this is a team which needs to dabble in the Corey Patterson Dark Arts. The Tigers might use Andy Dirks from time to time in left but Jim Leyland loves vets and Corey Patterson is exactly that. Match made in heaven!

Would the Tigers have much to offer in return for Corey Patterson? Would Corey Patterson net any kind of return even if they did? No and….no. But anything they receive is greater than the “nothing” it cost to bring in the former top draft pick.

Jays fans can’t get greedy and expect to fleece anybody else like they picked the Braves pockets. Trying to boost a player from the Tigers top 10 prospects list is unlikely but surely Alex Anthopoulos can wring something worthwhile from the Tigers’ rusting hulk1.

1Detroit symbolism aka ruin porn alert!

Comments (8)

  1. Not sure if Detroit is the best fit. Between Boesch, Raburn, Magglio, Dirks, and Casper, they should be able to figure something out.

    He’d be a decent 4th outfielder for most “contenders”, but I could see him having some starter potential with Texas (Endy, Dan Murphy, Borbon), Seattle (Peguero, Carp, Halman), or Tampa (Fuld, Ruggiano, D.Jennings, Guyer).

  2. The best fit is St Louis in a trade for Colby Rasmus. Rasmus has attitude issues (like Escobar), his manager hates him (like Escobar) and he is “struggling” (like 2010 Escobar).

    As you note, Patterson can play CF. He has a higher batting average than Rasmus. He has the pedigree of a 3rd overall pick, while still being affordable.

    The Cards need to go all in if this is Pujols’ last year, much like the Braves needed to go all in for Cox last year.

    As per MLBTR, St Louis is looking for a LH reliever. Instead of a fringy guy like JC Romero, they need an affordable franchise left handed reliever like Zep.

    They will also require a future CF replacement. Darin Mastrionni might be most like Tyler Pastornicky, but AA can’t pull that shit off twice so he will need to part with Anthony Gose. AA will also take Tallet back.

    Jays get Rasmus (Escobar) & Tallet (Reyes)
    Cards get Patterson (Gonzalez), Zep (Collins) & Gose (Pastornicky)

    Fuck, this trade just writes itself!

  3. the person above me is clearly fuckin stoned on crack or heroine or aerosol can or something..

    First off, cards are in 1st place in their division, they are going to trade one of their best players for a guy who CANT play CF well and isn’t a long term solution.


    secondly, why the fuck would we bring Tallet back. that has to be some sort of joke? what next ? sign frank thomas and pick up alex rios off waivers?

    you’re a tool box seriously .

  4. Jays2010 is what happens when fans only think of trading for their own benefit. I’m not sure if he’s trolling because the moment you started comparing a young outfield 5 tool prospect to an older established Escobar, I start to wonder if he knows anything about baseball.

    Anyways, I think Alex has a tough choice to make. Does he let Patterson continue on and hope he continues this production to get draft compensation or try to trade him at his highest value. Both have risks and rewards but I would only let him go if and when Travis has established himself to be back. If we can get a nice bench player and minor league prospect back I think I’ll be satisfied. Of course I’m banking on GM’s being smart about this and looking back on what Patterson has done throughout his career. You never know though since Alex is so convincing and he might just have someone desperate enough to offer way more. Don’t forget, on a contending team Patterson is effectively a bench player, nothing more.

  5. You’re right I didn’t even read the whole post. The last line told me everything.

  6. Yah I was clearly fucking around. The last line was a dead giveaway. However, I think there potentially are some parallels between 2011 Rasmus and 2010 Escobar…but it all depends how big those alleged attitude issues really are. I only know what MLBTR tells me I should know.

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