In case your interest in baseball was dormant over the weekend, allow me to inform you that Pat Gillick, Roberto Alomar and Bert Blyleven were all inducted into the Hall of Fame on Sunday without incident. Over the Hall of Fame weekend, our fearless Saturday and Sunday contributors, Bill Parker and The Common Man from The Platoon Advantage, compared this year’s class to . . . well, an entire assortment of artists, kings of England, and even other baseball players.

Getting Blanked was not alone in our celebration of these great players, as the thousands who flocked to Cooperstown to watch the induction ceremonies will attest.

You know Johnny Bench farted just before this picture was taken. Look at Dave Winfield’s face. It’s got that pained laughter thing going down, where you try to guard against breathing in while chuckling.

Phil Niekro was grateful that they had name tags this year so he could avoid the embarrassing mix ups from former years.

I thought only a police lineup for a knife crime could make a Puerto Rican sweat like that. I tease. Things got all emotional for the Alomar family during Robbie’s speech.

These people had no idea who the guy on the far left was. He sort of just tagged along with them all weekend long, but when he hopped in the minivan for the ride home, they finally said that enough was enough.

Wow. You guys are almost as cool as your dad, now.

I can’t wait to retire so that my significant other and I can just stop caring what other people think.

I’m tired of older players getting a pass on the question of performance enhancing drugs. The evidence would suggest that steroids have been a part of the game for a long time. Exhibit A: Bert Blyleven’s head is like five times the size of a normal human, and four times the size of this person’s.

So, uh, is this not treasonous? Of course, I’m referring to the John Olerud helmet that the kid on the left is wearing in support of another Blue Jay’s Hall of Fame candidacy. There’s a time and place for protest, and the induction ceremony really isn’t it. Poor taste.

You can read all three of the inductees’ speeches onĀ the Hall of Fame website.

And The Rest

We won’t have JoJo Reyes to kick around anymore. Referring to Reyes as an asset while maintaining a straight face? Really, Stote?

Wily Mo Pena was released by the Arizona Diamondbacks, and it happened just as one of his home run balls was finally landing.

Carlos Beltran isn’t interested in being a rental player if it means he’s merely designated hitting. Otherwise, he’ll be a total mercenary.

Meanwhile, the San Francisco Giants may be trying to use B.J. Upton’s apparent availability as leverage in their negotiations for Beltran.

The Toronto Blue Jays have hired John Mallee, the former Florida Marlins hitting coach that Jeffrey Loria wanted out. I like him already.

The Chicago White Sox and St. Louis Cardinals are talking about Colby Rasmus. This is sort of like having your opinion change about a girl after meeting the other hurt bags who are interested in her.

Just let it go, already.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim youngen Mike Trout hit his first big league dinger.

Detroit Tigers pitching prospect Chance Ruffin will get his uh, chance to shine, after his recent call up.

The only question Tampa Bay Rays fans have for management after Desmond Jennings’ successful debut is: How dare you not bring him up sooner? Oh, and probably, Reid Brignac? Seriously?

FanGraphs looks at Ryan Howard and the RBI.

What’s the deal with Coco Crisp’s neck?

Finally, getting serious for a second, our thoughts are with Dave Cameron as he gets ready to battle cancer.

Comments (9)

  1. I think if you want to tell a discriminating joke outside of your circle of friends it should be much, much funnier.

    Stay classy Parkes.

  2. @Utensil: Here’s an idea, try getting over yourself.

  3. Fat joke was weak too.

  4. Spence! My friend, it is good to hear from you!

  5. Richard Pryor who was possibly the master of the off-colour joke had a simple criteria to determine whether a potentially offensive joke was worth saying or not: “Do the people laugh when you say what you say?” I for one didn’t laugh and think the joke’s potential to offend greatly outweighs it”s potential to amuse.

  6. I think if it was that picture alone it would be offensive but Parkes is obviously kidding from the get go with the fart picture. They all made me laugh a little bit and I’m not ashamed to say that.

  7. That’s terrible about Dave Cameron. If you haven’t already, click on that link and give him your best. He’s one of the best in the business for sure.

  8. I disagree, I believe this induction cermony should have the first stop in a year long campaign for Johnny O. I am starting my campaign immediately by wearing the Johnny O signature helmet today and every day going forward until he gets his due.

  9. This is clearly the most sarcastic and joke fueled sports blog I have ever seen. Some jokes work and some don’t, get over yourselves.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *