The apparent spawn of Dwayne Murphy on his RBI single against the Padres last night, as told to the San Jose Mercury News:

“I thought it was a fastball. I looked at the replay and it was a slider,” said Lincecum, adding he’s no different from other pitchers. “I try to swing out of my ass if I get the opportunity. It doesn’t work out often — or ever. But I’ll take whatever I can get.”

You’re hired! Walking is for sissies.