It Truly is the End of Days

Do you ever look around at the nature of our popular culture and think the snake is eating its tail and we’re all doomed, doomed doomed? That the willingness of what passes for entertainment in many circles is watching struggling humans debase themselves, shredding every last ounce of self-respect for a few more moments in the warm spotlight of infamy?

If this doesn’t strike you as worrisome or problematic, I encourage you to clear some time on Saturday night. Your chance to mock and belittle baseball greats Jose Canseco and Lenny Dykstra — fallen heroes to man and child alike — as they grope around a boxing ring futilely trying to scrape together enough post-garnishment income to make alimony payments in a Celebrity Fight Night battle royale.

The fight’s promoter Alki David, balancing his keen eye for spectacle and his Celebrity Fight Night’s competitive integrity, allowed a last-minute change to the card so Dykstra and Canseco can settle their long-held blood feud once and for all.

Dykstra, never one to shy from hyperbole or the edge of insanity, threw some white-hot hype on this already steaming cauldron of controversy:

‚ÄúCanseco ruined my career by spreading lies. I called Tareq (ed. note – Tareq Salahi, the White House Party Crasher previously scheduled to battle Canseco) and begged him to let me take his place in the upcoming fight against Canseco”

The fight will air on, which I assure you is a real thing not-so-coincidentally owned by fight promoter David. You can stream it there on Saturday or you could do literally anything else with your time. Anything. Read a book. Take a walk. Seriously.

A shake of the chaw towards the Oracle aka Dan McQuade.