Lost in Game Seven fog and general season-ending shuffle, the Angels unveiled their new General Manager last week, Mr. Jerry Dipoto. It was a joyous occasion, one marked by Mike Scioscia’s barely-masked contempt oozing through the 30 minute-long stinkface he wore with pride.
The new Angels boss stood before the assembled Angels media horde to handle all manner of question and inquiry, fielding each one with aplomb. Like any good executive, especially one who spent most of his life as big league player skilled in the art of evading questions, Dipoto answered most of his questions diplomatically. Thoughtfully yet carefully. He clearly wasn’t offering his pure, unvarnished opinion at any point. Which is where the Dipoto Code comes in.
Carefully using physical traits and vocal patterns as clues, Getting Blanked harvested the Angels new headman’s true thoughts and feelings from his deeply codified answers. The results, which may shock and horrify you, are below the jump. Question in bold, Dipoto’s response in italics, his actual thoughts below.
Dipoto opens with some generic comments, keying on the Angels ability to play the game the right way.
What is the right way? We can get into that in depth but it’s what the expectations are going to be here. We’ll be accountable as an organization, accountable to one another, and passion.
It is very important that I be able to look our season ticket holders straight in the eye and say “we did the best we could.” It is equally important that be able to look myself in the mirror every morning. How am I to sleep at night knowing we have, as an organization, allowed Jeff Mathis to make more than one thousand outs in just 1300 plate appearances over six seasons.
Would you say your philosophy is somewhat of a blend of old school and new school?
The best word to describe me is balance…I like to be diverse…look for that diversity. Try to turn over every stone….be open-minded to the way how you see players. Every player is going to be a little bit different.
I swear before God and Mike Trout and everybody that I will attempt to make sense of this whole Mathis thing. I come in with my eyes wide open. I need to understand what is going through Scioscia’s brain. The curiosity, morbid as it may be, is killing me. HELP ME SEE THE LIGHT, MIKE.
Where do you see the next week or two going?
Sitting with Scioscia, getting to know the staff. Getting to know the organization in terms of health. Where are the players today? Where do they live? How are they wired? Mike’s feelings on the individual players on their makeup.
Honestly. Give me one good reason I shouldn’t just outright Jeff Mathis right now. I’ll do it. I’ll ask Siri to connect me to the worst Major League semi-regular over the past 5 years and I’ll crush Mathis’s hopes and dreams in front of everyone.
Just cop to it, Mike. Tell me he’s your avatar. Tell me how much you want him to grow up to be you. If you admit it, I might spare him. For everyone, it’s the best. Do it, Mike. Do it.
Dipoto is asked about mentors in previous front office situations, GMs or scouts who helped influence him.
Mentors in front office situations – “challenged me intellectually over the course of time. Required that you learned more. I’ve learned so much in a lifetime in this game, whether it be on-field or out in scouting, evaluating players. It’s a LIFETIME OF KNOWLEDGE that I bring to the table.
You played the game, Mike? Me, too. I played the game for a long time. You think you know intangibles? I AM INTANGIBLES.
[Cue Scioscia stinkface]
When did you know you wanted to be baseball executive?
[Pre-amble on moving from a player to sitting in on meetings with front office types.]
As you’ll find out, keeping my mouth shut isn’t always easy for me”
MAAAAAAAAAAAAATHHHHHHHHHHHHHHISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I WANT TO SHOUT IT FROM A MOUNTAINTOP.
On Scioscia making the decisions and/or calling the shots.
Mike – “I’m the manager of the club. Jerry’s going to get opinions from myself. Sometimes strong opinions.”
I run this town.
Jerry -”The manager/general manager relationship is a collaborative effort. It’s the most important relationship in an organization. The final product – the championship product – that is playing the last game in October runs through Mike Scioscia. A team will take on the personality of its leader.”
Doomed. I couldn’t get here fast enough to save this proud team from itself.
This man then asked about the likelyhood of Dipoto making wholesale changes to the roster. This guy.
I don’t think there is anything in the way of wholesale moves that need to be made. this is a team that won 86 games,” Dipoto said. “You also have a number of high-end all-star type performers in their prime years who are lining it up every day. Guys like Jered Weaver, Dan Haren, and Ervin Santana; I don’t know if you’re going to find too many teams that have that.
There’s a great number of versatile, impact-type players on the Angels roster. What needs to be done in the short term? Add the right spice to the stew to make sure it is effective in October.
Two pinches of “OMG How much are we paying Veron Wells?!”, a dash of “Bobby Abreu is still alive?”, three cups of “I think they won 86 games by accident last year” and a sprig of “GET THE BAT OUT OF JEFF’S HANDS” for colour.
Did you have the perception that maybe the GM didn’t have the power or influence most GMs have?
My life has been spent around baseball people. So what might look unusual or sound unusual outside the walls of the league is very common to me. I love the opinion of baseball people, I love talking with strong-minded people.
YOU DON’T THINK I CAN BREAK SCIOSCIA? OH I WILL BREAK HIM LIKE A BAD HABIT. HE WILL COME TO RUE THE DAY HE SIDED WITH JEFF MATHIS. I AM THE BANE TO HIS BATMAN.
Should be a fun season in Orange County! I can’t wait to see how it shakes down.