Remember John Rocker? You shouldn’t. He is a bigoted loud-mouth who wasn’t even a very good pitcher. Good thing he is now writing a book to set the record straight! Whenever you get the chance to read the fluffed up justifications of a has-been/never-was through the filter of a “celebrity biographer”, you jump at the chance.

Don’t let the five years of development scare you off this book, friends. You don’t want to be left in the dark when this piece of American literary canon becomes a staple of hausfraus and all-inclusive vacations when it is published, whenever that ends up being.

Here is the synopsis for “Scars and Strikes” from the blogspot dedicated to selling such wares:

Former Atlanta Braves closer John Rocker has been a lightning rod of controversy ever since a Sports Illustrated article in 2000 — an article he has always described as a well-planned character assassination. With the controversy still strong even more than five years after a shoulder injury forced his retirement from the Major Leagues, Rocker says he’s finally getting to tell his side of his story in his memoir, Rocker: Scars & Strikes.

The book, with celebrity biographer J. Marshall Craig, now available for pre-publication ordering, is a mixture of baseball memories, politics, “philosophies and feelings,” Rocker says.

Philosophies and feelings, folks. You can’t just get that by running your brain through every single photoshop filter available. That does, however, net you a pretty badass cover!

Hat tip to Productive Outs, who troll for this sort of stuff like it’s their job.