Forbes Is The New Bleacher Report

This is an honest to goodness headline on right now.

You know how sometimes a salacious headline doesn’t necessarily reflect on the actual author of the article in question because a copy writer more than likely came up with whatever gets used at the top of the page?

Yeah, not so much in this case. The headline is actually subtle in comparison to most of the writing that follows, including this collection of one sentence paragraphs from Patrick Rishe:

Days after Mr. Hamilton’s relapse, the Rangers hired Shayne Kelley to essentially play watchdog to ensure that Mr. Hamilton will stay clean going forward.

Perhaps, Mr. Kelley, you should have Mr. Hamilton sit down and read all about the rise and fall of Ms. Houston.  Have him YouTube some of her best performances when she was at the height of her career, and then look-up photos and videos of her during her troubled times.

Because this will remind Mr. Hamilton that nothing is forever and that substance abuse destroys.

Not satisfied with mimicking Bleacher Report’s content by force fitting topical tabloid ephemera for the cynical purpose of SEO optimization, Rishe offers this horribly hackish play on words:

I applaud the Texas Rangers for making a “Bodyguard” investment.

Next up: A slide show on what Theo Epstein and the Boston Red Sox can learn from Chris Brown and Rhianna’s split.

Comments (9)

  1. I never knew that an addict can become sober just by seeing pictures and videos of the disastrous results of drug and alcohol addiction! That seems so easy! Once Josh Hamilton understands that excessive drinking is bad, he won’t be tempted to do it ever again! Mr. Rishe should have patented his idea–he could have made billions as a private drug rehab counselor.

  2. Sheesh, if you’re gonna blog it, at least make that header into text so the crawlers can include you in the SEO fun. You know there’s some die-hard Whitney fan still refreshing google every 3 seconds for every tidbit about her beloved pop icon and she’s gonna miss this reference unless you help her out. SEO is for others, not yourself. In this case you’re helping the grieving manage the excruciating pain of losing a women who wrote a song that they liked 15-400 years ago.

  3. Oh hey they are similar because both of their surnames are names of North American cities.

  4. What team does Whitney Houston play for? I can’t find his name on any roster.

  5. Bleacher Report is shit. I’ve come across some decent baseball thinkers/writers there, but they’re surrounded by a bunch of others that sound like 6th graders writing articles about how they’ve thought of some great trade that would bring this or that 8/10 player to Toronto (and all it would cost us is Travis Snider and Brett Cecil!); or how in going after Yu Darvish the posting fee was completely irrelevant (who cares?! It’s just money! Rogers is RICH!), … While they’re at it, why don’t they pitch the idea of Alex Anthopolous arranging to dole out free ponies to first 30,000 fans on opening day….

  6. I think they should show Josh Hamilton the video of a drunk David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger, that’s a little scarier then Whitney Houston

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