Forbes Is The New Bleacher Report

This is an honest to goodness headline on right now.

You know how sometimes a salacious headline doesn’t necessarily reflect on the actual author of the article in question because a copy writer more than likely came up with whatever gets used at the top of the page?

Yeah, not so much in this case. The headline is actually subtle in comparison to most of the writing that follows, including this collection of one sentence paragraphs from Patrick Rishe:

Days after Mr. Hamilton’s relapse, the Rangers hired Shayne Kelley to essentially play watchdog to ensure that Mr. Hamilton will stay clean going forward.

Perhaps, Mr. Kelley, you should have Mr. Hamilton sit down and read all about the rise and fall of Ms. Houston.  Have him YouTube some of her best performances when she was at the height of her career, and then look-up photos and videos of her during her troubled times.

Because this will remind Mr. Hamilton that nothing is forever and that substance abuse destroys.

Not satisfied with mimicking Bleacher Report’s content by force fitting topical tabloid ephemera for the cynical purpose of SEO optimization, Rishe offers this horribly hackish play on words:

I applaud the Texas Rangers for making a “Bodyguard” investment.

Next up: A slide show on what Theo Epstein and the Boston Red Sox can learn from Chris Brown and Rhianna’s split.