The Power Of The Goatee

Depending on the health of Johan Santana, who only recently began throwing baseballs again, Dillon Gee will most likely break Spring Training camp as the fourth or fifth starter in the New York Mets rotation. Perhaps hopeful to power himself to greater things, Gee showed up at said camp today with a goatee of wolf man proportions.

When asked why he’d grow such a massive display of facial hair on his chin, Gee responded, “Why not?”

Well, here are a few reasons:

  • It’s disgusting.
  • Birds might nest in it.
  • You can’t spell goatee without goat.
  • Bits of food from your last meal are stuck in there.
  • Can you imagine Don Draper rockin’ one of those awful things?
  • You might start buying weird products, strictly associated with your facial hair.
  • You’re playing with fire. Remember when Wolfman basically killed the promising career of Benicio Del Toro?
  • Growing a goatee is just asking for taunts like, “Hey Gee, maybe if you spent less time manicuring your facial hair, you’d learn how to stop walking more than 10% of the batters you face.” Buuuuuurrrrrrn!