Quite the day around the vast Spring Training complexes of the world. Look at these guys (via the MLB facebook page)! Buck Showalter finally gets the veteran presence he desperately craves.

Nick Punto Nomazzzzzzzzz

Nicky Punto becomes the first Red Sox shortstop since Nomar Garciaparra to wear jersey number 5. So seriously is this distinction taken by the Red Sox that they called the retired player/current analyst to ask his blessing. I can’t even believe that is a thing.

This For Sure Needs to be A Thing

 

Calling Nick Swisher “The Situation?” Sounds good. If the shoe of douchebaggery fits…That said, there is no reason not to incorporate “Swish” into this somehow to really put it over the douchetop. The Swishuation? THAT JUST MIGHT WORK.

Keeping Zimm in DC

Ryan Zimmerman set tomorrow as his offseason deadline to sign a contract extension with the Nationals. The all-world third baseman sounds like he wants to get a deal done but wants a no-trade clause included. He figures he will sign a team-friendly deal but wants to control the team with which it is friendly. Zimmerman is well within in his rights to ask for such protection. Just as the Nats are well within their rights to say “no”.

Manny Trying to Be What Manny Used to Be

Video of Manny taking his first BP as a member of the Oakland A’s (from the San Fran Chronicle). Judging by his earlier interactions, after finishing this session Manny asked the scribe who recorded this video if he was Billy Beane.

Brian Matusz Claims to be Strong, Still Plays for the OriLOLes

Expectations were very high for Brian Matusz heading in to the 2011 season. Then all manner of Orioles misfortune befell the highly-touted pitcher. Now he’s back and more muscley than ever! His catcher says things look better for the young lefty.

“He looked a lot like Matusz from 2010,” Wieters said after the pitcher’s bullpen session Wednesday. “After having that difficult year last year, for him to have the ball come out of his hand the way it was [Wednesday], I was impressed.”

In a piece of news in no way related to the above, the Orioles brought in a team sports psychologist. NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

The Twins are the Twinniest

Your team just lost 99 games with a $100 million dollar payroll. One of your franchise cornerstones worries for his athletic future. What do you do if you the new GM of the Twins and this is the mess your inherited? You make asinine, idle threats. If you can play, get out there and do it. Nobody will make this club from the training room. Too many Twins went on the DL last year. Clearly they’re a bunch of pantywaists who don’t know what it means to be a real big leaguer.

The Little Man in the Cano

Robinson Cano is the new #3 hitter for the Yankees. He needs to walk more. Even he thinks so! “Got to get on base,” Cano said. “Not going to get a hit every time.” he told the New York Times. He’s right! It’s a revolution!

Playing for the Cardinals is like being Spiderman

Not everyone is “cut out” to be a member of the St. Louis Cardinals. It is an intense privilege to ride Albert Pujols coattails drive drunk be the only show in a decaying one paper town don the Birds on a Bat. You better take that honor seriously, notorious scumbag Carlos Beltran.

Good times and bad in Cleveland

The bad? Their best player (circa 2008) is hurt again and won’t be ready for Opening Day. The good? Their pitching coach is the coolest guy in baseball (via the Plain Dealer).