Major League Baseball announced the winners of the MLB Fancave competition today and let me tell you: they picked some carbon-based lifeforms.

The ragtag bunch of misfits who will watch every game and appear in every photo op represent the full spectrum of baseball fans. Just to show you how diverse they are, I will post a quote from their mini bio (linked above, cheaters) and see if we can guess the corresponding face.

  1. “has tattoos depicting 38 MLB mascots and logos past and present in a variety of cartoon poses arranged on either side of his/her torso (AL teams on right, NL on left)”
  2. “With hopes of a career in the sports industry, Thompson earned an MBA in December 2011, graduating with honors with a 4.0 GPA.” Really? Your GPA?
  3. “..initially drew the attention of the judges by balancing a chair on his chin while rapping in his submission video. ___ graduated from Johns Hopkins University in 2010 with a degree in mechanical engineering.” Study in contrasts!
  4. “as a child owned multiple stuffed animals named Will Clark and at age 12 once bypassed a series of All-Stars in order to seek Peter Gammons’ autograph.” Power move.
  5. “…earned the opportunity to work the red carpet at the Emmy Awards alongside Ryan Seacrest for E! Entertainment News.” Opportunity is not the correct nomenclature.
  6. “…is leaving behind his/her current job as a hazmat cleanup specialist (working with his/her father, (a) former NASCAR driver.” From the lap of luxury to a cave.
  7. “broke the news of Joe Mauer’s engagement on his/her blog, earning the attention of mainstream media outlets throughout Minnesota.” Look out, Rosenthal!
  8. “was the unwitting recipient of a prank by Troy Tulowitzki while attempting to interview the Rockies slugger about his endorsement deal with EvoShield.” Vague!
  9. “…a ‘failed comedian’ from Los Angeles.” But who isn’t?

On a serious note, congrats to these fine folks. Hopefully they don’t kill each and have a great summer in New York.