No matter how prepared you are, the email invite is always a surprise. It comes bearing the promise of something new, a fresh start and multiple opportunities to gloat, tease and henpeck the insecurities of your friends in an environment where political correctness has no place. Of course, I’m speaking of that glorious moment when your inbox receives an invitation to this year’s fantasy baseball league.
By now, you’ve likely selected your team, utilized all of the cheat sheets, draft boards, luck graphs and player lists that you could find. It may be a good group of players. It may not include anyone you wanted to get. However, we all know that the only way to gain the respect of your competitors in a fantasy league is to have the best team name.
There are several elements that make a great fantasy baseball team name. Puns? Check. Pop cultural references? You better believe it. Alliterations? Definitely, dude. Stereotypes that verge on racism? You’ll have to decide that for yourself.
So, without further ado, I give you the top ten fantasy baseball team names; or ten fantasy baseball team names that I think are funny. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Balco Pharm Team
As someone whose team name for years was Victor Conte’s Rage, I have much respect for this funnier version that simultaneously references Barry Bonds’ go to pharmaceuticals and baseball’s Minor League system.
Vernon Down The House
Finally, an answer to mankind’s most difficult question: What do The Talking Heads and Vernon Wells have in common? I mean, other than being horrifically overrated, and downright sucking later in their careers.
Debbie Does Odalis
Going with a retired player as the basis for your team name can be a little risky, but if it’s this funny, there should be no backlash from the league. Other notables in the same vein: In-Vidro Fertilization, Mike’S weeny, Funky Cold Mussina and Nomar Mr. Nice Guy.
Obi-Wan Jacoby
Combining the most important supporting character in the entire Star Wars franchise with the center fielder of the Boston Red Sox is not only puntastic, but a social comment on the equal levels of nerdiness that both sci-fi fans and fantasy baseball players share.
Honey Nut Ichiros
If you’re in a league that allows for team pictures, you should really consider naming your team with something that lends itself to a terrible Microsoft Paint job.
I Shin-Soo Choose You
Shin-Soo Choo is an annual target for bad puns from fantasy baseball players, but the simultaneous dropping of a Simpson’s reference with his name takes this one into another stratosphere. Some of my other favourites include: Choo Girls One Cup and Got To Get Choo Into My Life.
Jeters Never Prosper
This straight up pun would’ve probably been better if Derek Jeter’s career earnings weren’t likely to exceed $220 million.
FIP To Be Square
For the baseball nerds out there, this name references Fielding Independent Pitching, and the best Huey Lewis song ever. Also, just think of the abbreviation potential:
On a Need Cano Basis
Basically, all you need to do to put together a killer fantasy team name is look through the baseball headlines from the New York Post from the past year.
Hasta Bautista Baby
New Rule: You should get a five point rotisserie head start for referencing the Terminator and a two time Home Run King in your fantasy team name.
I went with Jagermetrics, although the best one in my league is Nyjers In Paris
Mine is “Yu Jelly?”.
I personally went with the mighty morphin mauer rangers this year, and made the following logo.
http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s253/mklas12/MauerRangersLogo.jpg
That’s rather awesome.
From Cee Angi on Twitter: Morneau After Pills.
I thought about Morneaugraphic.
Happy to see at least one Simpsons reference. I used Sergio Santos L. Halper.
I feel pretty good about my teams this year:
Don’t Stop Relievin’
Bourn This Way
Stanton Deliver (hat tip to Edward James Almos)
Big League Choo
Luis Tiant’s Taint
My team name this year is “Buster Nut In Her Posey”, but some jackoff drafted Buster 66th overall….holy cow, talk about reach…
The one that I’m rocking in my leagues this year with great success is I’m Sexy and I Cano It
It Byrnes when I Peavy
I had this one back in 2010, when both players were relevant, lol
Winner. Also read on Twitter: Fister I Hardly Fielder.
God I miss the real sim and tim…
aaaand…we have a winner!!!
U don’t mess with a zohan (sadly doesn’t fit in yahoo)
Dont Mess w/ a Zohan does though
also enjoyed slice of ‘kakis
as in nick markakis
My two teams this year are “Nickelville Mathletics” and “Los Charros de Copales”. The latter of course being a nod to Kenny Powers’s Mexican team on Eastbound and Down.
“Because let’s face it, for a bunch of Mexicans, that ain’t half bad”
Oh, and Nickelville is a nod to my own name (Nick).
After days of brainstorming, I came up with “Soria ’bout Your Elbow”.
I went with The Master Batters
I went with Clash of the Phitens because I was in a hurry.
Went with “Lind-sanity” and “Hugh, Lawrie?” in two of mine…third was “Carmona Scharmona.”
i use “Chone of the Dead”
One of my teams is called Fister Of Fury. I don’t know I like it. I have yet to use Jesus Montero Loves Me Yes I Know, but I probably will.
Snickers Marcakeis, because I love Snickers, cake and above all, Nick Markakis
My keeper league team is Six Seasons and a Keeper.
i think we have a winner.
Fister in the Bumgardner
You’re welcome…
Can’t remember where I original heart it, but Anal Hershiser is a personal favourite. I’ve been using “The Blurst of Times” for a few years now, though.
I’m a schmuck for the classics, and have been using my doors (and Tony LaRussa doghouse inspired) Riders-on-the-Pine for teams for years
Furcal you ho’s, get a grip
I like mine of Lawrie Forty-Hands.
I feel so unoriginal
But I don’t have a pun. :(
I went with Lawrie 40 hands
Way to go! Stealing my name.
i’m a mailman…so Buster Postie
Votto Bing, Votto BOOM!
Cleveland Steamers
Now, wait just a damn minute. We’re calling Talking Heads overrated? Where’s that Cito-shaking-his-head-GIF when I need it?
I’m running with “The Vottoman Empire”
For anyone who watches “the office” The Stanton Stranglers is a good one
I have way too many teams this season.
Insprired by DJF:
Lawrie’s Forties
Inspired by The Simpsons:
Squatter’s Craw ‘Roos (Bart vs. Australia)
Inspired by Players:
Feelin’ Hitterish (Bryce Harper)
From playing baseball:
Worm Burners
Movie influence:
Cosby Sweaters
Wyld Stallyns
And a Meme:
Philosoraptors
Not enough teams to get this one in:
Bobby Jenkes’ Wild Ride
shin soo been gone
There’s the ever so childish, McCanns Pujols. But there are so many good ones.
2 Burrells, 1 Cup-Even though Pat Burrell is no longer relevant.
Freese! In the Name of Love. – David Freese
Buster Capps in his Ass – Buster Posey, Matt Capps
Watchoo Talking About Willits – Shin Soo Choo, Reggie Willits
A Streetcar Named Cuddyer – Michael Cuddyer
Ol Dirty Bastardo’s – Antonio Batardo
I’m late to this party, but how about …
Billy Beane is Not My Lover
Tulogit to quit
Zack and Miri make a Morneau
Manny Fister Pujols
Vote for Pedroia
Jizz in my Pence – youtube song & Hunter Pence
Carry on my Heyward Dunn – stupid
Tulowitzki to the Wall
Hamel Toe
found my favirote team names, Bumpin’ Utley’s and Thome the Money, at http://www.BestFantasyTeamNames.com They have hundreds of names that are ranked daily and can submit your own.