No matter how prepared you are, the email invite is always a surprise. It comes bearing the promise of something new, a fresh start and multiple opportunities to gloat, tease and henpeck the insecurities of your friends in an environment where political correctness has no place. Of course, I’m speaking of that glorious moment when your inbox receives an invitation to this year’s fantasy baseball league.
By now, you’ve likely selected your team, utilized all of the cheat sheets, draft boards, luck graphs and player lists that you could find. It may be a good group of players. It may not include anyone you wanted to get. However, we all know that the only way to gain the respect of your competitors in a fantasy league is to have the best team name.
There are several elements that make a great fantasy baseball team name. Puns? Check. Pop cultural references? You better believe it. Alliterations? Definitely, dude. Stereotypes that verge on racism? You’ll have to decide that for yourself.
So, without further ado, I give you the top ten fantasy baseball team names; or ten fantasy baseball team names that I think are funny. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Balco Pharm Team
As someone whose team name for years was Victor Conte’s Rage, I have much respect for this funnier version that simultaneously references Barry Bonds’ go to pharmaceuticals and baseball’s Minor League system.
Vernon Down The House
Finally, an answer to mankind’s most difficult question: What do The Talking Heads and Vernon Wells have in common? I mean, other than being horrifically overrated, and downright sucking later in their careers.
Debbie Does Odalis
Going with a retired player as the basis for your team name can be a little risky, but if it’s this funny, there should be no backlash from the league. Other notables in the same vein: In-Vidro Fertilization, Mike’S weeny, Funky Cold Mussina and Nomar Mr. Nice Guy.
Combining the most important supporting character in the entire Star Wars franchise with the center fielder of the Boston Red Sox is not only puntastic, but a social comment on the equal levels of nerdiness that both sci-fi fans and fantasy baseball players share.
Honey Nut Ichiros
If you’re in a league that allows for team pictures, you should really consider naming your team with something that lends itself to a terrible Microsoft Paint job.
I Shin-Soo Choose You
Shin-Soo Choo is an annual target for bad puns from fantasy baseball players, but the simultaneous dropping of a Simpson’s reference with his name takes this one into another stratosphere. Some of my other favourites include: Choo Girls One Cup and Got To Get Choo Into My Life.
Jeters Never Prosper
This straight up pun would’ve probably been better if Derek Jeter’s career earnings weren’t likely to exceed $220 million.
FIP To Be Square
For the baseball nerds out there, this name references Fielding Independent Pitching, and the best Huey Lewis song ever. Also, just think of the abbreviation potential:
On a Need Cano Basis
Basically, all you need to do to put together a killer fantasy team name is look through the baseball headlines from the New York Post from the past year.
Hasta Bautista Baby
New Rule: You should get a five point rotisserie head start for referencing the Terminator and a two time Home Run King in your fantasy team name.