Another week, another set of quotes.

This week we have David Ortiz being hilarious, Mike Trout being indestructible and Ozzie Guillen being amazing.

People caught on real quick to the chants of `Youk’ when you get up there. It was cool just to feel at home again.

Full disclosure, I love Chicago. It’s a great city and probably my favourite place in America. That being said, is it the kind of place that we expect to struggle to pick up on a chant of ‘Youk’ about Kevin Youklis? Seems like it would be kind of obvious.

Usually during the game, adrenaline gets you through it and it doesn’t get a chance to get stiff but overnight (it got stiff).

That’s not what happened at all, Mike Scioscia. Mike Trout simply doesn’t feel pain when playing baseball. Because he’s not human. He’s an android built for the sole purpose of destroying baseballs and entertaining me. Mike Trout is the singularity.

(It’s) kind of sad in a way because of how good he was. I look at it from the game of baseball.

I agree with Buck Showalter. I’m also sad to see Dontrelle Willis retire, even though he’s been terrible for the last few years. I will always believe he could have been one of the greats.

“Make sure Miami people don’t (expletive) Bell. Bell gave up two runs. How about the rest of the (expletives) 10 or 12 runs they scored? That’s why this (expletive) game is not (expletive) fair. It’s Ozzie talking (expletive)? No. It’s Ozzie talking the truth, about how (expletive) we were before that (expletive) inning. Put that (expletive) down!

…there are no words. Just an epic, amazing rant from Ozzie Guillen. How is he not the most popular man in baseball? How is he not giving speaking tours? I would travel with that show. Let’s make this happen.

The most important thing is to maintain this matchup, both in Cuba and in the United States. I would love to go play there.

Baseball is truly the great uniter. I swear that whole Cuban Missle Crisis thing could have been avoided if Kennedy had just challenged Castro to a game. I wonder what Ozzie would say about that? Sorry…I’m still enamoured with Ozzie.

I wouldn’t say it doesn’t matter, but it’s something I can’t control. Sometimes, weird things happen.

I disagree, Cliff Lee. Your win-loss record doesn’t matter. Like, at all.

There are two kinds of people in this world, those who are humble and those who are about to be. We’ve still got work to do.

Clint Hurdle rules. This is honestly one of the best ways to not overhype a winning season I’ve ever heard. I can’t believe I’m saying this but….go Pirates?

I would rather take a beating and be bleeding in the street than to go through this. Am I letting my team down? Yes. Have I ever taken a moment off and been unprepared? No. Do I know why this is happening? No. It is humbling and very deflating. I take it personally that I am not helping my team.

Jesus, Luke Scott, you don’t need to be so dramatic. I know you’re in a rough spot but yeesh, maybe be a little easier on yourself and the hits will come. I don’t really like Luke Scott but now I’m kind of rooting for him to snap out of this just so we can take him off suicide watch.

When I play first base, I like to joke around so I can get the pressure away from me. But it’s fun to me. I’m not as bad as people think I am. People see you DHing the whole time and they think you’re just going to go out there and screw things up. I’ll tell you straight-up: I’m not going to be all-fantasy, but you hit that ball where I can reach it, I’m going to catch it.

How can you not love David Ortiz? Not only is he convinced he can play first base (hilarious) but he also refers to being amazing at baseball as “all-fantasy”. Just a perfect substitute for a week lacking Nyjer Morgan. Thanks, Papi.