Detroit Tigers first baseman Prince Fielder, spurred on by the demon presence deep inside his stomach (as seen in the moving photograph above courtesy of Cork Gaines), outhomered Toronto Blue Jays right fielder Jose Bautista 12-7 in the final round of Monday night’s All-Star Home Run Derby to take the title of greatest human on earth.
Congratulations, Prince. You’re now a better man than all of us.
On the whole, the evening had everything one might expect from a Home Run Derby: hyperbole, questionable trajectory projections, John Kruk eating ribs, jokes on Twitter and ridiculous things said by Chris Berman. However, given this evening’s win, it’s unlikely that the Detroit Tigers will make the playoffs because Fielder is pretty much guaranteed to be terrible for the rest of the season. Such is the cost of becoming the greatest human on earth.