Cybergenics

Juan Pierre is not a very good Major Leaguer. He also doesn’t have time for your compotators, doohickeys and gadgets. He plays the game Ye Olde Fashioned way and he’s not interested in your complicated logical thinking.

He and Philadelphia Daily News reporter Marcus Hayes don’t have time for your calculators, thick glasses and huge brains. Please, all those who would like to think about better ways to evaluate the game and its players, just go back to your basements and spend your time solving those Sadookoo puzzles and playing Warcrafters. The big boys are fine without you and your “WAR.”

From the Philadelphia Daily News:

At 5-11 and 175 chiseled pounds, Pierre has 17 home runs in 13 seasons. Between steroids, human growth hormones and sabermatricians, Pierre had no chance.

“I was right through the whole steroid age. I was there at its height,” Pierre said – though he realizes purists with calculators consider him a dinosaur, too.

“With all the computers, the cybergenics [sabermetrics], whatever they do, I think I rate the lowest possible in those things. The things I do don’t show up in box scores. Sacrifice bunting doesn’t make any sense to do. They don’t look at the guy going first to third or taking that extra bag.”

In fact, Pierre’s sabermetric WAR-wins above replacement, the gold standard of metrics – stands at 1.4 this season.

Which, according to one pocket-protected website, rates him as a “scrub.”

Yeah! Screw you and your cybergenics, nerds. Let the jocks take care of things.