I opened this link tweeted out by Grantland’s Jonah Keri, looked at the accompanying photo, and immediately read the headline as “Middle Relief: Rating The Rookie Ears.”
And so, using the 20/80 scale ….
Bryce Harper: 60
Mike Trout: 40
The surprisingly dominant ear for a 20 year old has a blue collar shape, but protrudes from his head too much to justify a high rating. Good luck with that, Nosferatu.
Wade Miley: 60
The Arizona Diamondback’s lone All-Star ear sports incredible curvature. However, the definition of the antihelex reminds me of the genetics we share with our other primate ancestors, and that creeps me out.
Lance Lynn: 20
Ugh. How would you like to whisper sweet nothings into that? We’ve got an attached lobe and a protruding antihelex. Disgusting. Never mind Lynn’s arm, someone needs to put an innings limit on his ear.
Yu Darvish: 80
Not to be compared to the ear of Daisuke Matsuzaka, this perfectly curved specimen offers a subtle lobe, a beautifully proportioned concha, and a wondrous protrusion of the tragus. I could watch this ear on the mound all day.