Lance!

Some quotes to brighten your days, sirs and madams? Don’t mind if I do.

This week we have Reggie Jackson being banished, Jay Buhner vomiting and the Red Sox being bold. Also, Lance!

I think it’s all behind us; that’s the most important thing. (Jackson) has made a number of calls to try to rectify everything. I’m OK with it. I’m glad he’s here.

Does it worry anyone else that the Yankees banish former players from the team if they say something negative? Am I the only one that finds that insane? I mean, I’d get it if a former Blue Jay said something negative about Brett Lawrie because that’s tantamount to treason but this just seems excessive.

This is a club (that) has been built on bold moves over the years, going way back to the Nomar Garciaparra trade in ’04 as one example. There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that Ben Cherington and the entire baseball operations department, and to extent John (Henry), Tom (Werner) and I, are all pointed toward working hard to July 31.

I like the idea of the Red Sox wanting to make a “bold” move. If only because it opens up the possibility of a crazy, early-90s sports movie style acquisition. Perhaps a Rookie of the Year-style signing of a 14-year-old to replace Clay Bucholz? Or, even better, how about a Little Big League move to replace Bobby Valentine? Press conferences would be pretty similar, no? These are the things I think about.

“That’s definitely the worst it’s ever gotten,” Gee said. “It creeped all the way up to my shoulder. That’s when I knew something definitely wasn’t the same. I went into the training room and had some of the doctors look at it. As soon as they told me they couldn’t even feel a pulse in my right arm I got pretty scared.”

An absolutely terrifying injury I cannot even begin to understand (probably because I failed grade 11 biology). I get chills just thinking about this. Glad that Dillon Gee walked away from it relatively unscathed.

The fact is I feel great in terms of how I’m seeing the ball. I’m not swinging at many bad pitches. I feel like my timing is good. What’s lacking is bat speed. I just don’t have any bat speed right now.

There’s nothing particularly noteworthy about this quote but…Lance! We missed you. It’s been a while since we got an update on your injury. Come on, now, get that batspeed back up. You can do it. Use the power of your quotes.

“It’s easy to pick up the phone and say, ‘Oliver,’” he said. “That’s got to be tempered.”

I know exactly what John Farrell meant but I like to imagine that Farrell just randomly picks up the phone during games and says different names. Think about it. In a close game in the bottom of the 9th, everyone’s tense and Farrel just picks up the phone and says “Steve”. I feel like this would reduce clubhouse tension, raise morale and just be pretty awesome overall. These are also the things I think about.

I’d vomit. I mean, really, no offense. No offense, we’ve got to get this organization turned around. You can’t be spending all the money on one guy.

Obviously, you’ve got to listen to Jay Buhner when it comes to baseball transactions. The man was traded for Ken Phelps! Baseball people love Ken Phelps’ bat. They kept saying “Ken Phelps, Ken Phelps.” I will never not make that joke if Jay Buhner comes up.

It had pine tar all over the place. They put the rest: ‘To my hero, Ozzie. Love you.’ I thought it was funny.

More proof that Ozzie Guillen is the best human being. Not only can he rant and rave with the best of them, but he also knows how to take a joke. Wow, it’s almost like he’s an individual with a personality. We can’t have that in professional sports. Quickly, someone silence him and then get Joe Buck to deadpan a home run call or something. That’s better.

It’s just a fad. No lenses? Stunner shades without the lenses? We were doing that in the Bay Area back in the 2000s during the Hyphy train man! Stunner shades on without the lenses. Nah, man, that’s old school, man. They just brought it out to light. That’s been a fad. That’s already been done.

Nyjer Morgan: Fashion expert. Also, still pretty weird. But seriously, this interview with him is pretty great. Mostly because it allows Nyjer Morgan to speak which always ends well for all of us.

I like to do that and I’ve had very good feedback on it. You work so hard to get a victory. I ain’t going to leave them out there. They’re battling for me.

I really can’t say enough about how much I enjoy the Ben Sheets story. It’s one of those rare sports stories that actually has some inspiration to it outside of the cliche. I know we see this kind of stuff all the time and there’s always potential for it to happen again, probably even this year, but it’s kind of a nice note to start a weekend on. Stay safe out there, friends.