When I was twelve years old I switched schools. It was likely the worst possible time to do so. I was a gangly, awkward and painfully self-aware pre-adolescent foisted into the midst of an unknown territory that had pre-established social rules and hierarchies.

It was intimidating. The air about which the already formed cliques carried themselves led me to believe that they were better than me at everything I was good at. I tried to maintain a lone wolf status so that my deficiencies wouldn’t be revealed, but a meddling teacher forced me into trying out for the track team after seeing me run during recess.

It was in the first meeting of the track and field club that I realized they were actually all a bunch of idiots. The members of the club had assembled in a portable next to the main school building to give our basic information so that the teacher in charge could put us in our proper categories for training and future track meets. He asked everyone what grade they were in, and then went through each grade ensuring we were all of the proper age. One of the more popular kids was stumped by the question: “How old are you?”

After several beats of pause, he answered the teacher’s query with the following response:

Well, my mom says I’m eleven, but I’m pretty sure I’m twelve.

I was astounded, not only at the fact that this child didn’t know his own age, but that no one else in the room, other than the teacher, thought that it was completely idiotic not to know how old you are. I had a look of shock and almost concern on my face, when my eyes met the teacher’s and we exchanged a knowing glance that this kid was an absolute wacko.

I was reminded of this recently when Toronto Blue Jays manager John Farrell spoke about his third baseman Brett Lawrie, suggesting to reporters that the player’s oblique injury was the result of a tumble into the camera bay at Yankee Stadium.

Lawrie disagrees with this suggesting, believing the cause of the pain to be from something else, essentially telling reporters:

Well, my manager says it’s from the fall, but I think it just jumped out of nowhere.

Today, Brett Lawrie was placed on the 15-day Disabled List retroactive to Friday. It’s expected that Adeiny Hechavarria will continue to fill the hole at third base in his absence.

Comments (18)

  1. Well that was quite the round about way to call Brett Lawrie an idiot!

    • But he’s OUR idiot!

      • I would hazard a guess that there aren’t many Mensa candidates among big league ballplayers. I would also guess that among the best-of-the-best, there are none. Being an idiot (or more precisely possess little or no self-awareness or capacity for introspection) is extremely useful for playing baseball at an elite level. It makes things that much easier.

      • +1 (why does it tell me that my “+1″ comment is a bit too short… oh well, here are some more characters to make my post much longer than it really needs to be, but i guess that’s the internet for ya, huh? hah?)

  2. I think what Lawrie was trying to avoid saying was “post hoc ergo propter hoc”. He didn’t want to show up the manager by driving a rapier of logic through Farrell’s dusty sack of guesswork.

  3. I think Farrell was following Occam’s razor. Lawrie? Not so much.

  4. The future looks pretty obleak for the 2012 Blue Jays.

  5. Methinks a PEDs issue is at play here.

  6. you know I have to say I’m always a big fan of the “Dustin Parks starts a piece by telling us a story from his youth” bits

  7. Is Lawrie crying in that pic?

  8. Its a damn shame you people cannot show some mercy!!! The man did not do this to himself on purpose and it does not matter how it happened and I wish him a fast recovery He is the best 3rd baseman the Jays have ever had and I have been following this team since the late seventies Get better soon Brett Love Ya

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