This week, Phil Mickelson has a baseball team, Dusty Baker has cliches, and Barry Bonds has hubris.

“Yeah, of course. Of course we can do better than that,” Valentine said. “I don’t think that’s so optimistic. I think if we stay healthy, and right now we have some concerns in the bullpen, if we can stabilize, there is big runs ahead.”

So, Bobby Valentine thinks the Red Sox are still a playoff team. I mean, maybe, I doubt it. What really worries me is his rationale sounds exactly the same as the way I talk about the Blue Jays’ season. This does not bode well for either of our teams’ futures.

If things go through, Mickelson says he won’t meddle in lineups, pitching changes, trades or managerial moves, like owners – the late George Steinbrenner ring a bell? — have done with teams in the past. Mickelson, who grew up a Padres fans in San Diego, said he’ll concentrate on community relations, something he saw lacking for several years.

Lord, I don’t ask much of you, but please make Phil Mickelson start making managerial moves for the Padres. That has entertaining disaster written all over it. If you can make this happen give me no sign. Awesome.

“Those are the kind of questions that I’m trying to put off until the offseason,” Berkman told “It’s hard to make a good decision about that thing while you’re in the middle of kind of going through the thing. Those are better analyzed int he perspective of the offseason and seeing how the rest of the year goes. We’ll just see what happens.”

I know I praise him a lot around these parts but, man, isn’t that just one of the most honest guys in baseball? Has he ever given an answer that didn’t actually give us some insight into his mindset? You are the best, Lance Berkman. Stop getting hurt and play forever.

”I think Heath Bell – I said from the beginning – we were a better ballclub when he was closing,”

I actually agree with Ozzie Guillen here. Unfortunately, the Marlins are still a pretty terrible ballclub when Bell is closing, so I guess it’s all relative.

”One of the keys to the ball game was in the sixth inning,” Baker said. ”We had the bases loaded and one out and didn’t get anything. Then Aramis saved them. That ball down the line that’s at least two runs. That shows the importance of defense and it’s a game of inches.”

Please don’t let Dusty Baker become an analyst on TV when he retires. We don’t need more guys in the booth telling us how baseball is “a game of inches.” Oh, defense is important? You don’t say. Did your guys go out and give it 110% as well? He and Pat Tabler should have a cliche-off and then go away.

As Rockies manager Jim Tracy jogged onto the field and lit into the umpires after an overturned call, Scully was there to translate Tracy’s choice words — using his own euphemisms, from the classic “darn” all of the way to “blinkin’ fertilizer.”
Let’s see Bob Costas pull this off. Never change, Vin Scully.
Jose Canseco has signed with the Rio Grande Valley WhiteWings of the North American Baseball League on Friday, and is expected to play Saturday night against McAllen.
Oh yeah, this is going to go well. Or it’ll go like that Bernie Mac movie where he tries to make a comeback to get his 300th hit. I hope it’s like that.
“I respect the Hall of Fame, don’t get me wrong. I really, really, really respect the Hall of Fame. And I think we all do,” Bonds told “I love the city of San Francisco and to me that’s my Hall of Fame. I don’t worry about it because I don’t want to be negative about the way other people think it should be run. That’s their opinion, and I’m not going to be negative.
Whenever someone begins a statement with “I respect (whatever they’re talking about),” they probably don’t respect it a whole lot. There’s such an undercurrent of “fuck the Hall of Fame, I’m Barry Bonds!” in this. It’s great. I missed Barry.