The Miami Marlins just concluded a very long West Coast road trip. The middling Marlins went 5-6 on this trip, at one point losing four games in a row. Another disappointing stretch of an incredibly disappointing season for the Fish. With, of course, the exception of a single bright spot.

During this West Coast jaunt, Giancarlo Cruz-Michael Stanton went all manner of crazy. Insane, really. Stanton feasted on the respective pitching staffs of the Rockies, Diamondbacks, and Dodgers to the tune of a 1.274 OPS. He hit eight home runs. In eleven games. EIGHT! Best yet, this is not new for Stanton on his home soil of the Best Coast.

Despite the prolifteration of Marine Layers, deep pitching staffs and deadly chicken/waffle combination restaurants, Giancarlo Stanton owns the West Coast. For his career, when hitting west of the Rocky Mountains, Stanton owns a 1.141 OPS. He has 23 home runs in 214 plate appearances, dating back to his rookie season.

Clearly, this is a man powered by In-N-Out burger and chill vibes. Judging by the prodigious shot he blasted on Friday night, no late-night Marine layers can keep him down.

Does this look like a man bested by ocean air? Does Stanton look like he gives a good God damn about your pitchers parks or the usual trappings associated with the offense-sapping parks of the Gold Coast?

The Marlins are unlikely to move their youthful slugger but, considering the way they splashed money around this weekend, the Dodgers should probably just quit wasting everybody’s time and acquire the 22-year old outfielder. I’m sure they can find somewhere to put him. Third base? Why not? If Adrian Gonzalez can play right field, no doubt Stanton can play third. Maybe second. Try him a short, whatever! It’s all deadly when you have money to burn.