According to the salacious revelations found in former Cy Young Award-winning closer Eric Gagne’s new French language autobiography, eighty per cent of his Los Angeles Dodgers teammates used performance enhancing drugs. Eighty per cent!

So shocking. So appalling. I’m having so much difficulty coping with the fact that the large majority of a Major League Baseball team in the early aughties was using performance enhancers, I might need a cortisone shot to get through it; or maybe just a dozen Rockstar engergy drinks and a handful of greenies, while I gnaw on a big piece of tobacco.

The only thing truly┬ástartling about this revelation is that it seemingly manages to surprise anyone after Game Of Shadows; after the Mitchell Report; after Juiced; after Victor Conte started tweeting. To be perfectly honest, I imagine that deep down there is absolutely no one the least bit shocked by this news. What we’re witnessing is merely the seizing of an opportunity to feign moral outrage and play the part of the disadvantaged victim who was hoodwinked by those awful professional athletes who care so very little for personal definitions of baseball’s integrity.

However, it’s not all bad. I suppose that Gagne’s book does give us hope for a Mike Piazza tell-all in which he finally admits to having negative feelings toward Roger Clemens.