According to the salacious revelations found in former Cy Young Award-winning closer Eric Gagne’s new French language autobiography, eighty per cent of his Los Angeles Dodgers teammates used performance enhancing drugs. Eighty per cent!

So shocking. So appalling. I’m having so much difficulty coping with the fact that the large majority of a Major League Baseball team in the early aughties was using performance enhancers, I might need a cortisone shot to get through it; or maybe just a dozen Rockstar engergy drinks and a handful of greenies, while I gnaw on a big piece of tobacco.

The only thing truly┬ástartling about this revelation is that it seemingly manages to surprise anyone after Game Of Shadows; after the Mitchell Report; after Juiced; after Victor Conte started tweeting. To be perfectly honest, I imagine that deep down there is absolutely no one the least bit shocked by this news. What we’re witnessing is merely the seizing of an opportunity to feign moral outrage and play the part of the disadvantaged victim who was hoodwinked by those awful professional athletes who care so very little for personal definitions of baseball’s integrity.

However, it’s not all bad. I suppose that Gagne’s book does give us hope for a Mike Piazza tell-all in which he finally admits to having negative feelings toward Roger Clemens.

Comments (13)

  1. Dustin, stop trying to make aughties happen, it’s not going to happen

  2. Was per cent written that way on purpose? Am I slow on the uptake or did you really spell it that way.

    • Per cent can be written that way. Either that or percent is good.

    • Per cent is the correct and official way to write it, according to Canadian Press Style. In the US it’s percent and in Canada I think in some cases it is as well, like if you are ending a sentence with percent (I could be wrong on this part).

  3. “the seizing of an opportunity to feign moral outrage”

    Unlike what everyone did over the Yunel Escobar story I suppose.

  4. I just saw one of Parkes’ tweets picked up by Deadspin. Does he know it was Ray and not Rob Parker who did the Ghostbuster song?

  5. Is outrage ever immoral?

    Also, who is outraged? I’ll admit to not viewing that many MLB sources that often, but I’m struggling to find much coverage. It’s pretty much buried on ESPN already. I can’t find it on Sportsnet or the Globe and Mail. The Star has a wire piece, that passes no judgement. I can’t even find it on the LA Times. In other words, who is acting as if this is news?

    If the narrative is ‘journalists are hypocrites when it comes to steroids’, where are the numbers in column inches?

  6. What does Jose Thedore and Dustin Parkes have in common?
    They both tested positive for Propecia which is a hair loss prevention drug.

  7. I was lucky enough to ride the pine for a US college in the mid 90s. There were guys using PEDs, and I didn’t but came close, at some of their urging (if you knew me, this is a crazy revelation — not boasting innocence, just showing the culture of peer pressure). One misconception is that if you’re using, you’re always using and you can see muscles on muscles (read: Bonds, McGuire, Gagne, etc.). Not so. Some guys did one or two cycles only to add 10-15 pounds (which you can often barely see, except on the field). Trust me, for these types of athletes, adding that amount of muscle, that quickly, at a young age can completely transform your game. And the naked eye of the casual fan would never ever guess…literally anyone in MLB could have been on them.

    It was common thought among us “nobodies” trying to get a shot that around 75% of big leaguers were using. I’m not saying that was the number. Regardless, if this was this case with us idiots in Hicksville, USA, it is literally impossible for those rumours not to be known by Selig, Steinbrenner, Gillick, Beeston, anyone in the game. Whether it was 25% or 80%, they all knew it was an issue. (Not to mention, how the fuck did the press not get wind of this and where were they?) Personally, I believe the number closer to 80%, though not all at the same time, but as a percentage of MLBers that have at one time used.

    This shocked response is getting boring. What I’d like to see is tell all, factual “I call bullshit” on the business folk in and covering the game. Why isn’t their legacy on trial?

  8. I’m not interested in Mike Piazza writing a tell-all about Clemens hatred; I’m waiting for him to write an autobiography in which he comes out of the closet.

    PED-related tell-all books are sooooo passe by now. The next trend will be outing teammates and debating how homosexuality works or doesn’t with baseball culture and especially baseball locker room culture.

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