If you can figure out the Phillies, please step forward and explain their thinking to me. The richest starting rotation in baseball left to their own devices in a notorious bandbox as the front office makes a concerted effort to keep any and all power hitters away from the everyday lineup.

With rumors of a Michael Young trade swirling around the team, the Phillies went ahead and found themselves a new center fielder, acquiring Ben Revere from the Minnesota Twins for starter Vance Worley and prospect Trevor May, according to Todd Zolecki of MLB.com.

Ben Revere is a fly catching center fielder of some esteem. Well, little esteem. He can catch the flies and gets on base at a reasonable clip but he takes “no power” to a whole new level.

Zero home runs. None. NOT A ONE. In 1000 career plate appearances. Home runs are not his game, even if they should be the game of anyone playing at Citizens Bank Park. Revere will start in center for the Phillies and probably hit leadoff because he’s fast. All the fast.

Meanwhile, the Phillies give up a decent back-end piece of their rotation. Worley missed the final month of 2012 with an elbow injury. He is an extreme oddity for his total inability to induce swinging strikes and still survive. A move to a less-home run prone ballpark can only help the Twins newest hurler. Acquiring Worley helps the Twinkies in their quest to achieve an entire season in which every single pitch they throw is put into play.

The Phillies probably overpaid for a good defender who cannot even hit a little bit. Like, at all. That they included Trevor May, a top 50 prospect in all of baseball, is a little shocking. Maybe the Phillies know something about Worley that we don’t, especially in light of his recent injury. Or they’re just the Phillies, successful enough for long enough that they are having trouble changing gears.

All is not lost for the Phils, who appear close to acquiring Michael Young from the Rangers because hahahaha sorry I can’t even. More age, more statuesque defense, more flimsy power from a platoon player past his prime. THE PHILLIES!

The Rangers will eat considerable amounts of Young’s remaining (hilarious) contract and Young might not be the worst caddy for all three members of the Phillies once-great but ageing and injury-prone infield. And Cholly Manuel has no DH spot to hand to Young without considering the grave implications of a designated hitter who can’t hit.

Does Ben Revere help the Phillies compete in 2013? He certainly fills a need defensively and might put his hollow OBP to good use ahead of some better hitters. The price just seems steep for a one dimensional ball player with little to no offensive value. Nobody can accuse the Phils of being shy, that is for sure.