The Washington Nationals prepare to enter the 2013 season as the best team in baseball. But they still face the toughest decision of this or any offseason: who gets to join the Nationals Ballpark Presidential Race?
Though the trend of gimmicky mascot races is on the wane, the Nats still hold strong with their beloved mascot race in the middle of the fourth inning. The four presidents immortalized on Mount Rushmore dash around the stadium to great comedic effect during every home game. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt, and Abe Lincoln compete for the title of greatest President ever, though poor old Teddy Roosevelt never wins.
Until the final home game of the 2012 season, after the Nationals clinched the first division title since moving from Montreal, Teddy won for the first time in 525 races. With his string of ignominy over, the Nationals are poised to add a fifth president to the fourth inning festivities.
Recent or still-living Presidents are unlikely, due to the partisan nature of all humans in 2013. Ronald Reagan is believed to be the odds-on favorite, though Franklin Roosevelt in a motorized scooter has tremendous online support. Arizona senator John McCain extended his support to Reagan, all but ensuring Reagan’s defeat and future as a Fox News pundit.
Hardly a Presidential historian, I throw my support behind Richard Nixon. The opportunity for cheap comedy is great, though there are only so many times you can spit on the grave of a decorated military man twice elected to run the country. If not him…how about one of the guys from that song in that one Simpsons episode? I dunno, maybe the guy who did the thing in that war?