Call me crazy, but when I think “WILD NEW ORLEANS SUPER BOWL BASH” my mind does not immediately jump to Larry Wayne Jones. Which says more about me and my bigotry than anything else in this world.

Turns out I AM crazy as Chipper wants you to come to his Super Bowl celebraish and throw down. The Celebrity Exclusive VIP Tailgate Party with Chipper Jones is sure to be off the chain, you guys.

This will be the premier pre-game party and will provide an electric vibe that will enhance your Super Bowl experience. Live DJ entertainment along with 5 star New Orleans cuisine and a super premium open bar is included with all of our packages. It will be an exclusive opportunity to meet future Hall of Famer Chipper Jones in person along with other sports celebrities.

For the low, low minimum price of $1000 dollars per person, you can party with Chip and a hand-picked list of A-list celebs in the Big Easy. Super Premium open bar sound like your speed? You are in luck.

Maybe you roll a little deeper, ball a little harder. Chip has you covered, playboy. Grab the VIP Elite package at $2500 per person for an autographed CHOPPER jersey, bottle service and a private photo opportunity with one of the greatest switch hitters of all time. Who doesn’t want to chew on a turducken meat pie with Chipper Jones, I mean honestly?

Still need convincing? Peep the list of celebrities joining Chipper in partying ahead of the Big Game. Freddie Freeman, Marquis Grissom, various and sundry refrigerator-shaped men who probably played football at some time (including now), and attractive white women tangentially attached to sports in one way or another1.

1Bonnie-Jill Laflin is actually a scout for the Los Angeles Lakers, to her eternal credit.

But there is one name that does all the heavy lifting for the event – Will Clark.

Not sure why they bothered with the fancy website when all they needed was this Youtube video and an email proclaiming THIS GUY WILL BE THERE. You don’t bring sand to the beach, after all.