While I retain a small shred of hope because the above turned up as a question (“answer”) during the Jeopardy Teen Tournament earlier this week, I weep openly for our children as none of the teens answered correctly.

If the tweedy chronic achievers who ascend to the lofty heights of Jeopardy contestant while still teens don’t know of Mike Trout’s exploits, what are we doing with our lives, man?

Hey, Helicopter Mom and Vicarious Dad, why don’t you back off and let little Tyler/Braeden/Jaden/Dylan/Abigail/Mackenzie get outside for a damn minute? Take him/her to a damn ballpark to watch their peer Mike Trout do his thing. For the good of America, I beg you.