Jake Goldsbie

Another year of baseball has come to an end. It is sad. But with victory and defeat comes quotes. Have at!

This week we have the Giants winning the World Series, the Tigers losing the World Series, and Scott Boras being…helpful? That can’t be right.

People ask you, `What’s your style?’ I learned a lot from all of my managers … There are so many guys I learned different things from. I sat and listened and watched and learned.

So, the Marlins hired Mike Redmond to replace Ozzie, huh? I would literally pay $1000 for Redmond to surprise everybody and make some pro-Castro comments come April. That would be the actual best. Oh, the narrative! Please make this happen, baseball Gods. It would totally make up for the 2012 Blue Jays which I can only assume was a test of some kind. Did I prove my love to you, oh vengeful Lords?

Read the rest of this entry »

Soon, Lance. Soon.

It’s the World Series! And the Yankees aren’t in it! Man, I should really let that go.

This week we have Bud Selig being bureaucratic, Lance Berkman being a free agent and Jon Paul Morosi being a jackass.

I have a committee very hard at work, ongoing with all that, and they continue to work hard. I’ve been talking to them a lot the last four or five days. There isn’t anything more to say. I know you’d like to talk about it. I’m sensitive to that, I appreciate it. But let’s concentrate on Game 2 of the World Series.

The Atheltics are trying to move to San Jose which may infringe on the Giants territory so here’s Bud Selig with a totally bureaucratic answer to the problem. In my weird, little fantasy brain this is going to turn into a turf war. Josh Reddick and Tim Lincecum will be the leaders. Things are going to get weird. And there’s my attempt at making contract law entertaining. Man, this is hard. No wonder The Phantom Menace sucked so much. Sorry, George. I get it now.

Read the rest of this entry »

"Everybody listen to me. I am an attention whore and need you to listen to me."

It’s a special “The Yankees lost” edition of Getting Quoted today. Because it’s awesome.

This week we have Max Scherzer being kind of amazing, Joe Buck being everywhere, and Donald Trump being…Donald Trump.

Yeah, we did it. It’s an unbelievable feeling. … Four more wins, guys. Four more wins.

I don’t really have a lot to say about Miguel Cabrera‘s reaction to the Tigers elminating the Yankees. I just wanted to start things off by pointing out that the Yankees were eliminated. Because it makes me happy. Go Not Yankees.

Read the rest of this entry »

There's something incredibly unsettling about this picture and I think I know what it is.

It’s the post-season, you guys. Has this been a fun week or what? God damn, I love baseball.

Anyway, in this first week of the playoffs we have Justin Verlander being amazing, Dusty Baker being sad, and Nolan Ryan being a scumbag.

I could tell from the first batter, from Coco (Crisp), that it was going to be an effective pitch for me. It’s just one of those things as a pitcher that you go out and see what you’ve got and what’s going to work for you that night.

I was hoping my changeup was going to be good with as many lefties as they had. If it was on, I knew it would make it tough on them.

There’s something comforting about knowing that Justin Verlander doesn’t know if certain pitches will work for him before he goes out on the mound. It lets us know that he is, in fact, a human being and not some sort of advanced sentient pitching machine sent back from the future to ensure that all those who attempt to stand against the Detroit Tigers are cut down, pitch by pitch, until there is nothing left but tears and the smell of stale champagne emanating from the Tigers’ locker room.

Read the rest of this entry »

Wait a minute. You weren't in the movie. What's going on here?

Well, here we are. The end of another season. It’s a time to look back, look forward, and keep on quoting.

This week we have horrible teams, horrible managers and beyond horrible Moneyball references.

We’ve done a lot of work this year. It doesn’t look like it on the field because the results aren’t there yet, but I think it’s been fun. We’ve made a lot of changes. I think that’s going to pay off as we move forward.

As the season comes to an end we get the chance to look back on what we saw and what we will miss. I, for one, will miss Jim Crane and the 2012 Houston Astros. Never were there such a team that could take away the pain of the Jays’ season quite like them. Houston, I hardly knew ye. You will be missed. Oh, I’m getting all emotional already.

Read the rest of this entry »

"Can YOU get me my job back?"

Welcome to this week’s Getting Quoted, brought to you by the copious amount of Buckley’s cold medicine I am currently on (I’ll be right back, the walls are melting again).

This week we have Manny Acta getting fired, Ozzie Guillen getting pissed and Jeffrey Loria getting…charitable? That can’t be right.

Manny’s passion for the game, positive attitude and tremendous knowledge of baseball helped guide us to a number of high points during his tenure. Managerial changes are never easy or taken lightly, but as we approached the end of the season and turned our attention to assessing the year, we determined a change was necessary.

I love quotes that come out after a manager gets fired. They’re always that perfect mix of complete bullshit and vaguely false sincerity. Manny Acta’s firing has had this effect on Indian’s General Manager Chris Antonetti. I look forward to the next one.

Read the rest of this entry »

An elephant never forgets. Neither does a pissed off ex-baseball manager, either, apparently.

Welcome back to another Getting Quoted. This week we have a bunch of reactions to teams in the playoffs, some nonsense about a hat, and Tony LaRussa being terrifying. Because, obviously.

What’s the big deal?

This is Nationals manager Davey Johnson‘s reaction to his team clinching a playoff spot, and, I mean it’s not a huge deal, just the universe as we know it imploding on itself. The Nationals are in the playoffs, people. This is a reality we now have to live with. (Yes, I am ignoring the fact that they did an excellent job building a team over a few years for the sake of the joke. It’s what I do.)

Read the rest of this entry »