Ryan Oakley

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The KAPOWER Rankings

More important than power is KAPOWER.

The mystical Lovecraftian beast living just below the surface of baseball, its fearsome geometry too terrifying to be looked upon by man lest he is driven insane by a mere glimpse of its unfathomable intangibles but manifesting, always manifesting, in chicken wings and beers, it tentacles reaching, always reaching, upwards to pull any wayward team into its unthinkable grasp.

KAPOWER, yatches. The most ratchet of The Baseball Gods.

Read the rest of this entry »

The KAPOWER Rankings

More important than power is KAPOWER.

The mystical Lovecraftian beast living just below the surface of baseball, its fearsome geometry too terrifying to be looked upon by man lest he is driven insane by a mere glimpse of its unfathomable intangibles but manifesting, always manifesting, in chicken wings and beers, it tentacles reaching, always reaching, upwards to pull any wayward team into its unthinkable grasp.

KAPOWER, yatches. The most ratchet of The Baseball Gods.

Read the rest of this entry »

The KAPOWER Rankings

More important than power is KAPOWER.

The mystical Lovecraftian beast living just below the surface of baseball, its fearsome geometry too terrifying to be looked upon by man lest he is driven insane by a mere glimpse of its unfathomable intangibles but manifesting, always manifesting, in chicken wings and beers, it tentacles reaching, always reaching, upwards to pull any wayward team into its unthinkable grasp.

KAPOWER, yatches. The most ratchet of The Baseball Gods.

Read the rest of this entry »

More important than power is KAPOWER.

The mystical Lovecraftian beast living just below the surface of baseball, its fearsome geometry too terrifying to be looked upon by man lest he is driven insane by a mere glimpse of its unfathomable intangibles but manifesting, always manifesting, in chicken wings and beers, it tentacles reaching, always reaching, upwards to pull any wayward team into its unthinkable grasp.

KAPOWER, yatches. The most ratchet of The Baseball Gods.

Read the rest of this entry »

When umpiring goes wrong in baseball, it’s hard to accept. When it goes really wrong, when power is abused, helmets thrown and expensive beer senselessly wasted, the fans demand robots. But robots will not make you feel better.

They might make the right calls. It won’t matter. Not when the right call goes against you.

Two new studies out of The Human Interaction With Nature and Technological Systems (HINTS) Lab in Seattle show that humans view robots as moral entities. The resulting paper is entitled Do People Hold a Humanoid Robot Morally Accountable for the Harm It Causes.

Yes. They do.

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KAPOWER!!!

How much KAPOWER does your favourite team have? Do they have the KAPOWER to compete with the most POWERFUL teams in baseball? Can their KAPOWERS slay the Dragon Warlock? Can their 80 ARM-HAMMER OF THOR cut down the RUNNING POWER OF THE 70+ SPEED ELF?

There’s no way to know. Except the standings. But what do the standings tell you about KAPOWER?

Nothing. They only tell you about results. And results are what happens when reality refuses to bend to the will of KAPOWER! Results are the shadow cast by the mind of Baseball Cthulhu.

We summon you, Giant Timeless Squid Thing of the Unfathomable Geometry.

These are your KAPOWER! RANKINGS!!!

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