Archive for the ‘Chipper Jones’ Category

Chipper Jones knows a rat when he sees one. That no good cheater Melky Cabrera took something he shouldn’t, disgracing the game and breaking the rules. Worse yet, the fool had the temerity to do so after he left the Braves, re-dedicating himself to the game after his brief time in Atlanta.

The nerve, I mean really.

For what it’s worth, Melky Cabrera already has two hits tonight, raising his OPS by nearly 70 points since the beginning of yesterday’s game. Almost as if he slumped to begin the season but is seeing the ball better and feeling better in his swing right now. But that can’t be it, can it?

Call me crazy, but when I think “WILD NEW ORLEANS SUPER BOWL BASH” my mind does not immediately jump to Larry Wayne Jones. Which says more about me and my bigotry than anything else in this world.

Turns out I AM crazy as Chipper wants you to come to his Super Bowl celebraish and throw down. The Celebrity Exclusive VIP Tailgate Party with Chipper Jones is sure to be off the chain, you guys.

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Chipper Jones, who likes deer hunting in the off-season, seems to be enjoying the early stages of retirement with his family, taking yet another trip to the Double Dime Ranch, known to many as a South Texas hunter’s paradise.

Cloven-hoofed carnage below the jump.

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What do you get for the noted “outdoorsman” who is finally retiring after an illustrious career in baseball? If you’re on of his long-time sponsors and equipment suppliers, you hit him at home: with a pimped-out ATV with his name and logo emblazoned on the front.

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If we look into the results of a recent player poll conducted by ESPN The Magazine, we learn that the typical baseball player is a homophobic Republican who believes that abortion is a sin worse than gambling but not as bad as smoking marijuana.

That’s probably an unfair exaggeration, but it does reflect the results of the recently released informal poll that samples a very small selection of Major League Baseball players (that surprisingly included more than just Chipper Jones) with the following questions:

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There’s a saying that goes something along the lines of “you either die a hero or live long enough to become a villain.” It’s crap, really, but it makes me think about Chipper Jones. Ole Chopper has pretty much experienced the complete opposite phenomenon in 2012. After announcing this season would be his last, Chipper has taken a highly successful victory lap around the Major Leagues. While only playing in 81 games this season, Chipper is doing exactly what Chipper has always done: posting a .300/.400/.500 line (.310/.390/.514 to be exact) and hitting home runs when it matters — including two on his own bobblehead night!

While the stat line is the same, the story is much different. Instead of being the irascible redneck killing the Mets and making enemies at every National League spot. Blame twitter if you like (either the twitterverse at large of Jones’ alarmingly entertaining personal feed) but suddenly an air of good will surrounds the long-time Barves third baseman, as baseball fans begrudgingly acknowledge a great player in his final season.

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