Of course Jeff Locke can placehold in a laundry bin

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under What the hell? on Jun 19, 2013

When the Vikings spent a fifth-round pick on punter Jeff Locke two months ago, the end was near for Chris Kluwe in Minnesota, mostly because carrying two punters on your roster is sort of like having a surplus of JaMarcus Russell rookie cards. One feels like too many, though every team needs at least one professional surrenderer.

As Blair Walsh demonstrated during his filmmaker debut below, Locke is a man of many talents. As a punter, he’s often asked to also be a placeholder, a task he can execute anywhere.

He’s the dark ninja of placeholding.

Thanks, KSK

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Contemplating Vernon Davis as a wide receiver

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Ponderings on Jun 19, 2013

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The 49ers lost Michael Crabtree for most of the 2013 season when he ripped apart his Achilles while running around in shorts. That will suck for so many obvious reasons, most notably his absurd yards after the catch. Of Crabtree’s 1,105 overall receiving yards this past season, 536 of them came after he caught a football.

But there’s a more specific reason for spirit crushing following Crabtree’s tear: his relationship with Colin Kaepernick, which is second only to the sophomore quarterback’s undying affection for giant turtles. Including the playoffs, Kaepernick started 10 games for the 49ers in 2012, and Crabtree was often the subject of his throwing gaze. He averaged 102.3 receiving yards per game while scoring nine of his 12 touchdowns with Kaep as his quarterback.

The potential for haunting nothingness goes far beyond that surface layer, though, and please avert your eyes if you don’t want this quick refresher of the numbing numers we posted in the hours after Crabtree’s injury:

Alright then, so here’s what’s becoming clear: Kaepernick needs to not only find a new favorite target, but also a guy who can stretch the field vertically while vacuuming up those high volume throws. Enter Vernon Davis…maybe.

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The Tape Never Lies: With the right usage, the old Reggie Bush could return in Detroit

Posted by Alen Dumonjic under Reggie Bush, The Tape Never Lies on Jun 19, 2013

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The narratives about the rise and fall of Reggie Bush have long been written. He was supposed to be the next Barry Sanders, an electric and explosive ball-carrier who could do anything at any time he wanted to. Any time he touched the ball with running room, he was a threat to take it to the house. Coming into a league transitioning to more “satellite” players, he was the ultimate satellite.

And then he wasn’t.

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Report: Aaron Hernandez hasn’t been ruled out as a suspect (and he maybe shot someone)

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under News-ish on Jun 19, 2013

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Since the investigation into Aaron Hernandez and his possible connection with a homicide began early this week, reports have repeatedly stated that he’s not viewed as a suspect. This latest report from CBS Boston is the exception.

Citing an unnamed law enforcement source, the report indicates that Hernandez hasn’t been ruled out as a possible suspect in the North Attleboro investigation. The same source added that Hernandez currently isn’t cooperating with the authorities, meaning his attitude has apparently changed from last night when police entered his home, and arrested two men who tried to leave during the search. Police also left with a box of some kind.

Earlier this morning Hernandez drove away with a woman in the passenger seat of his Audi. The link between Hernandez and the body discovered by a jogger Monday (later identified as 27-year-old Odin Lloyd of Dorchester) is a rented Chevrolet Suburban. Both the car and the victim’s body (Odin has been referred to as an “associate”) were found roughly a mile away from his home.

I’ll update this post with further information when/if it’s available.

UPDATE (1:42 p.m. ET): I almost didn’t add this update because it’s not directly related to the story above, and therefore isn’t a true “update”. Then I started thinking about how often we stick to regular journalistic practices around here, and the fact that when a follow-up item comes with the headline “HE SHOT ME IN THE FACE”, there’s a certain sense of obligation. So, here we are.

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Why yes, Rashard Mendenhall would like to wear that cowbell

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Position Battles on Jun 19, 2013

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Being the starting running back in Arizona just makes far too much sense for Rashard Mendenhall, which is probably why there was some doubt as to whether or not he’ll rise to that plateau with little challenge. It’s in our nature to doubt things which seem simple, because caution is the way of the football mind, especially as it applies to fantasy footballing pursuits.

Oh, and especially when we’re discussing a running back who tore his ACL at the end of the 2011 season, and then he took the anti Adrian Peterson and Jamaal Charles route in his comeback. Mendenhall missed 10 games this past season due to various setbacks (most notably, Achilles tendinitis), which restricted him to only 51 carries and 60 touches overall.

Wise men claim that time heals wounds, and Mendenhall has had plenty of that tonic now. But despite Peterson’s heroics, we’ve seen plenty of circumstances over the years in which a running back isn’t quite the same again after an ACL tear. So yes, there was reason for doubt when the Cardinals signed Mendenhall to a classic one-year “prove it” deal, and it grew when they invested two draft picks in the running back position (a fifth-round pick on Stefan Taylor, and a sixth rounder on Andre Ellington).

And now, Bruce Arians would like to kill that doubt, and send the demon back to hell.

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Public service announcement: Gone beachin’

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Announcements on Jun 15, 2013

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Larry Fitzgerald’s idea of a vacation is…different.

Hello kind readers. I hope you’re enjoying a fine sunny Saturday filled with the many beverages of the season, and as you’re checking in now briefly to see what you could have possibly missed around the NFL on a mid-June weekend, you’re delighted to see the story of Vladimir Putin pwning Robert Kraft. This league is truly filled with endless treasure.

But alas, you’ll have to enjoy that bottomless pit of comedy without me for a brief time. This is me telling you that I’m taking a little vacation away from a job in which I write about football.

I’m escaping to a far off Ontario mountain destination few men have traveled, and I’ve only packed enough supplies for three nights. If you guys don’t hear from me by Wednesday morning — when regular daily content will resume, god willing — then send help.

Surely nothing will happen in my absence on a Monday and Tuesday in June, right? Hmmm, let’s look back at this past Monday:

Welp, OK then. See ya later.

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Ryan Broyles may have the Adrian Peterson gene

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Injuries on Jun 14, 2013

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If we can’t react irrationally to news in June, what the hell is the point of fantasy football then? I seek no reality in my fantasy. There was a time not so long ago when, like everyone, I believed that a Ryan Broyles sighting early this upcoming season would occur only if almighty powers intervened. Although he’s young and therefore able to heal quickly, that seemed like a reasonable assumption since the Lions wide receiver has suffered a torn ACL in two straight seasons.

But alas, there’s something or someone up there, mending Broyles and giving him a chance to post many crooked digits opposite Calvin Johnson. I believe.

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