What if the coolest cities always prevailed in the NFL playoffs? Well, the Chiefs, Eagles and Saints wouldn’t have lost in the wild-card round. Here’s how things are shaping up this weekend…

Baltimore vs. Pittsburgh

Baltimore: 650,000
Pittsburgh: 312,000

Claim to fame:
Baltimore: Crab cakes, murder
Pittsburgh: Steel, bridges, rivers

Baltimore: Charm City
Pittsburgh: Steel City

Coolest celebrities:
Baltimore: Tom Clancy, Pat Sajak, Babe Ruth, David Hasselhoff
Pittsburgh: Bret Michaels, Jimmy Stewart, Andy Warhol, Christina Aguilera

Hottest celebrities:
Baltimore: Stacy Keibler
Pittsburgh: Beth Ostrosky Stern

Baltimore: Red
Pittsburgh: Blue

Winner: Baltimore. Keibler and slightly warmer weather make up for all the murder.

Green Bay vs. Atlanta

Green Bay: 100,000
Atlanta: 538,000

Claim to fame:
Green Bay: The Packers
Atlanta: Home to the world’s busiest airport and Turner Broadcasting (CNN)

Green Bay: Titletown, USA
Atlanta: Hotlanta

Coolest celebrities:
Green Bay: Tony Shalhoub
Atlanta: Kanye West, Usher, Ryan Seacrest

Hottest celebrities:
Green Bay: Heather Graham, Jessica Szohr (both from Milwaukee)
Atlanta: Keri Hilson, Ciara, Julia Roberts

Green Bay: Blue
Atlanta: Red

Winner: Atlanta. Hot almost always beats cold.

Seattle vs. Chicago

Seattle: 563,000
Chicago: 2.9 million

Claim to fame:
Seattle: A tie between rain, Starbucks and grunge
Chicago: Deep-dish pizza, tall towers

Seattle: Emerald City
Chicago: Windy City

Coolest celebrities:
Seattle: Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Rainn Wilson
Chicago: Oprah Winfrey, Robin Williams, Vince Vaughn, Jeremy Piven, Harrison Ford

Hottest celebrities:
Seattle: Bianca Kajlich, Gianna Michaels (porn star)
Chicago: Nadine Velazquez, Jenny McCarthy, Kiele Sanchez

Seattle: Red
Chicago: Blue

Winner: Chicago. Seattle doesn’t have enough firepower, or enough celebrities that are alive.

New York vs. Boston

New York: 8 million
Boston: 645,000

Claim to fame:
New York: 47 million tourists visit NYC each year
Boston: America’s higher education Mecca

New York: Big Apple
Boston: Beantown

Coolest celebrities:
New York: Adam Sandler, Jon Stewart, Steve Buscemi, Jimmy Fallon, Lady Gaga, Jay-Z
Boston: Mark Wahlberg, Jay Leno, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon

Hottest celebrities:
New York: Scarlett Johansson, Anne Hathaway, Alyssa Milano
Boston: Uma Thurman, Eliza Dushku

New York: Red
Boston: Blue

Winner: New York. But only because Boston loses points for Leno.