Albert Haynesworth has repeatedly demonstrated a lethal combination of stupidity, laziness, and a total disregard for the concept of a team being one binding, cohesive unit.
He’s done it through his lack of dedication to the sport that’s made him an undeserving millionaire, and through his constant quarrelling with Mike Shanahan. He’s done it by alienating his teammates who have publicly questioned his desire, and downright giving up on plays and choosing to lie down instead of showing any shred of genuine effort.
Now, his stupidity has yet again led the volatile defensive lineman into a position that puts his judgment in serious doubt, if there was actually anyone left who believes he has any sense of judgment. Friday morning reports surfaced that Haynesworth was involved in a traffic incident that allegedly involved the Redskin assaulting a 38-year-old man after he couldn’t contain his road rage.
The incident allegedly occurred Wednesday morning, and the details are predictably in dispute, meaning I’m about to use the word “allegedly” about 13 more times in the next few sentences.
A report in the Washington Post indicates that Haynesworth has been charged with assault and will surrender to the authorities next week. The infamously petulant 29-year-old was allegedly trailing too close to a Honda Civic, and the driver showed his appreciation for Haynesworth’s driving tactics with a certain hand gesture that may or may not have involved one finger.
Then things became physical…allegedly.
About 9:16 a.m., at the intersection with New Dominion Parkway, near the entrance to Reston Hospital Center, the two vehicles came to a stoplight. Officer Shelley Broderick said the driver of the pickup truck emerged from his vehicle, had a brief exchange of words, and then struck the Civic driver.
Within minutes of this report, Haynesworth’s lawyer Chad Speck relayed his comments to Pro Football Talk, saying the allegations are completely false, and are a result of the accuser wanting to get his “15 minutes.”
“So only one side of the story has been told at this point in time. If contacted by the authorities, Albert will certainly cooperate in any way. This man, who actually provoked the situation himself, recognized Albert and is now simply trying to turn it into his 15 minutes of fame and get, we can only assume, some money.
“Albert did not assault this man and looks forward to his day in court to refute these ridiculous allegations.”
If you’ve grown tired of Haynesworth’s antics–as most have at this point–then you’re wagering all the money you haven’t placed on ridiculous Super Bowl props on his downfall (a pretty safe bet), and for his name to never appear in a headline again (not so safe). We’re partially with you here, because as much as the repeated posts detailing the reasons why Haynesworth is a complete and utter moron are getting old, we need something to do if there’s no football for a while. Fat Albert is writing my paycheck.
Maybe there’s a part of you though that operates under the Jenn Sterger theory, and agrees with Haynesworth’s lawyer. Even the small percentage of those willing to give Haynesworth any benefit of the doubt will concede that he’s made a hobby of putting himself in situations where the outcome will only lead to his continued spiral.
One thing we can all agree on is this: stay the hell away from this man. When he’s mad, he either stomps, tailgates, or punches (allegedly, of course).