Well, it looks as though we’re probably going to avoid a long work stoppage in the National Football League. It feels so great to be able to write that.
But nothing’s guaranteed, and Sean Tomlinson and I put together a list of things to do during a lockout before things started to progress between the NFL and NFLPA, and there’s no way we’re about to just can an idea because it’s probably no longer relevant. So here are 10 things to do if the NFL locks out the players and football is cancelled:
1. Become religious. If you’re already religious, increase the amount of time you spend being religious. Don’t want to be told to be religious by sports writers? Just hit up a local place of worship to kill some time and learn a thing or two. You don’t have to be a “believer” to observe the activities. We think.
2. Drink more. Don’t combine No. 1 and No. 2, but if you decide that the church route isn’t for you, spend more time drinking on Saturday nights. Watching football with a hangover is no good, but with no football, you can just keep sleeping. Nothing kills a hangover like sleep. Have to be up early regardless? Drink a beer or two in the morning — it’ll help.
3. Do laundry and other household chores. I don’t know about you, but my condo is a hell of a lot messier during football season than it is in the offseason. Sunday is a crucial day for “getting s— done,” and football fans don’t get to reap the benefits of it five months out of the year.
4. Watch Cheers. Underrated show. Find it online or buy the DVDs and watch the entire series in order. If you’re old enough to remember how awesome Cheers was, remind yourself. If you’re too young, it’s time you introduce yourself to Sam, Woody, Norm, Cliff and the rest of the gang. Once you’re done with Cheers, watch Frasier.
5. Pay attention to your wife or girlfriend. They like to do things like going to the mall and going on walks and whatnot. Sundays are usually off limits. Score some points. If she doesn’t know there’s a work stoppage, don’t tell her. If she thinks you’re sacrificing sports for her, she’ll be pretty much obligated to reciprocate. If you don’t have a wife or girlfriend, use the added free time to find one.
6. Give something back. Chris Kirkwood of theScore’s creative department suggests “walking a dog for charity.” A quick Google search confirms that you can in fact raise money by simply walking a canine. As it turns out, there are literally thousands of things you can do to help out. Who knew?
7. Get active. This can be associated with giving back (charity dog walks) or it can be completely selfish (pick-up football with your boys). Take Michelle Obama’s advice and start moving.
8. Purchase dozens of mice, train them to play football. theScore’s Chris Dart was quite enthusiastic about this idea, although we have our doubts. It would be quite the task to train a bunch of mice to actually play football, but something close to football would be cool enough. We’d also suggest making mini helmets and jerseys for the mice, then playing out an entire season on a smaller scale.
9. Go to Wichita. Tomlinson closed his eyes, put his finger on a globe (we actually have a real globe here) and he ended up in or around Wichita, Kansas. What made this particularly ironic and interesting (not really) was that The White Stripes told us they were going to Wichita back in 2003. But what we’re really saying is, go somewhere random and small. Somewhere you’d never imagine yourself going. It might be a pretty cool experience and a priceless memory, especially if you bring fun friends along.
10. Watch the CFL. Just kidding. That would just be silly.