Ahhh the great land of America, where the American Dream is reached by either suing over tupperware, or owning the same Twitter name that’s desired by an NFL athlete and getting a free trip for your troubles.
Wait? That actually happened? And it happened in Canada? Yep, and Canada’s Kirk Morrison is probably now more well known than the NFL’s Kirk Morrison, at least in the bustling prairie city of Moose Jaw.
The latter Morrison is a free agent linebacker who most recently played for the Jacksonville Jaguars and is also a Fox Sports Radio host. The former Morrison is a 19-year-old student in Saskatchewan who happened to share an NFL name. Morrison the football player wanted to have the same Twitter handle (@kirkmorrison) as Morrison the random Moose Jaw citizen. He was tired of tacking on numbers (52 and 55, his football numbers) to his own handle, and he’s trying to grow a broadcasting career.
There was just one problem: the student had the name first.
So like any wise, money-smart, and likely broke young man, the Moose Jaw Morrison didn’t lamely fall back on his humble Canadian roots and cough the it up for free. Even unemployed NFL players are still rich NFL players, so he listened when Morrison offered signed merchandise for the Twitter handle.
He listened even more when he was offered a trip to the linebacker’s next NFL outpost, which was the agreement when the deal was finalized earlier this week. That sounds tremendous, until Morrison signs in Buffalo (the NFL Morrison of course, not the Moose jaw Morrison. Writing about two people with identical names is migraine-inducing).
This has me thinking that somehow there’s a way I can make money off of Ladainian Tomlinson. Sure, our first names are different, but do you have any idea how often I’m mistaken for an NFL running back when I first meet someone? At least twice ever.
Then I have to explain that my sports career ended when I dropped a pop fly during an elementary school baseball tournament, and that despite my physique I don’t have 13,404 career rushing yards. It’s emotionally scarring.