In his prime Muhammad Ali was famous for knocking fools the hell out, but he also often did something pretty damn cool during the pre-fight build-up. He’d predict the round in which his opponent would be sent to the canvas, and then routinely follow up on that prediction.
So in his own odd, twisted way, maybe Brandon Marshall is getting ready to pay tribute to Ali’s legacy Monday night. Or maybe we should disregard his words yesterday and treat them as the unpredictable rantings of a man who’s been diagnosed with a personality disorder.
But if we’re going to believe him (which we are because that’s far more entertaining), it sounds like Marshall could provide what will likely be the sole source of entertainment during a stinker between the Jets and Dolphins. The Miami wide receiver announced a noble goal for Monday: he’d like to get ejected by midway through the second quarter.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Let’s set up prop bets and take wagers on what he’ll do to hit the showers. I’ve already made a few early guesses…
- Line up at the line of scrimmage wearing only boxers.
- Go into the Jets’ defensive huddle, and refuse to leave. If his stealth skills are good enough he may actually play defense against his own team.
- Take the Michael Boley touchdown celebration one step further and seek out officials after scoring, ensuring that several referees are standing in close proximity so that multiple targets are struck.
- Sack Matt Moore on every play. This will result in Marshall’s own sideline kicking him out, but the home crowd will give him a standing ovation, and possibly erect a statue.
- Lick Rex Ryan’s toes. This will achieve Marshall’s goal, and it could also end Ryan’s marriage.
Marshall said he doesn’t know what he’ll do and would only say that a fine means nothing to him, and that he’s going to play with a lot of passion, the same kind of passion that’s evidently been absent from his game so far this season.
The problem in Marshall’s eyes is that he’s been being a beast, when he should be a monster. This will end Monday too. For the brief time that he plays Marshall vows to be passionate and monster-like.
“I’m going to play with a lot of emotion, a lot of passion,” Marshall said. “I’m going to be that Monster. Not the Beast. The Monster.”
Good, thanks for clearing that up. Now can we please return to the small matter of what you’ll do to get booted from this game? C’mon, Brandon, there’s money to be made here, give us something.
Marshall mentioned his intention to get tossed four times during a 12-minute media session Thursday, and this is the best he could come up with…
“I’m best when I play with passion, and you guys are going to see that on Monday Night Football. I don’t know if it’s throwing a football 15 yards into the bleachers and getting a 15-yarder (penalty), or punting the ball and getting thrown out of the game, but something is going to happen.”
Surely that’s intended to distract officials from his real plan. Marshall is many, many things, but he’s not boring.