Worst attempt to be an NFL franchise: Look, it’s fine to lose, and be awful, terrible, and embarrassing, and perhaps even insult your fans a little bit in the process too. The Colts are doing all of those things weekly, and with the exception of today the Dolphins have been too.
But dammit Arizona, have some pride. Until today we weren’t aware that it was possible to give up safeties in back-to-back offensive plays. I mean sure, it’s possible, in the same way that beating Mario Kart 64 in less than three minutes is possible. But it’s simply just not right, and it’s not the kind of offensive output that’s expected out of even a pathetic football team.
A certain level of competence and coherence must be maintained, and yet the Cards allowed St. Louis to sack John Skelton for a safety not only twice in one game–which is embarrassing enough–but twice in a row.
But I guess you won the game, Arizona, so you still salvage a bit of respect.
Most broken tackles in a punt return: There was one reason to watch the Cards-Rams game that staggered its way to overtime. That reason’s name was Patrick Peterson…
That was Peterson’s third punt return touchdown in eight games, two of which have been of the game-winning variety. When Peterson returns a touchdown he doesn’t screw around either. He now has two returns that were at least 85 yards between today’s 99-yarder that sunk the Rams and was the second-longest punt return touchdown in league history, and the 89-yarder that ruined Cam Newton’s debut in Week 1.
Peterson obviously wasn’t drafted solely for his return skills, although he clearly demonstrated his athleticism and explosiveness in the open field at LSU. But while he grows as an NFL shutdown corner, logging 414 punt return yards at an average of 59.1 yards per game is a mighty fine way to build confidence.
Most unpredictable weekly leaderboard: Saying that there are surprises every week in the NFL is like saying that Kim Kardashian is only a part of pop culture because she fornicated on the Internet. It’s obvious, common knowledge.
And yet even the seemingly obvious can manifest itself in surprising forms, and this week’s rushing leaders with two games still remaining in Week 9 are a prime example. Here are the top five rushers from today’s games:
1. Willis McGahee — 163 yards, two touchdowns
2. DeMarco Murray — 139 yards
3. Marshawn Lynch — 135 yards, one touchdown
4. Steven Jackson — 130 yards
5. Arian Foster — 124 yards, one touchdown
On that list is one running back who had only his eighth 100-yard game in 68 tries, and the best rushing game of his career (Lynch). Then there’s a rookie who eight weeks ago was coming off a training camp shortened by injuries, and he spent the first half-dozen games of the season buried in a highly unproductive platoon. That player (Murray) is now averaging 155.3 yards over his last three games.
But the most compelling ascension to the top of the rushing leaderboard this week occurred in the late games, when an injury-prone McGahee came just five yards shy of setting a new career-high in rushing yards at the age of 30. After having only two 100-yard games over his last two seasons, McGahee now has four this year.
If we expand to the top 10, three running backs who are 28 or older combined to run for 400 yards today (McGahee, Jackson, and Frank Gore).
Best Tony Romo face: And it’s not even Tony Romo making a Tony Romo face.
Remember Romo’s infamous botched hold during the 2007 playoffs against the Seahawks? Of course you do, and you remember the corresponding picture of Romo sitting upright on the field and looking dejected while sobbing large man tears into his grill.
Tom Brady lacked the back arch, and he didn’t execute the helmet grab, but he still attempted his own version of the Romo face during his poor first half that eventually ended in a last-minute loss to the Giants:
Tom looked much happier when he had a camera attached to his crotch.
Worst way to have the world end: In the first half of Denver’s win over Oakland, the Apocalypse was upon us. According to the legend of our forefathers, if the blood of Tebow touches the ground then all of the evil figures in the underworld rise and begin to breed, leading to looming darkness and the gradual decay of our planet.
So these are the last words you’ll ever read…