Worst nightmare: Somewhere in Seattle a small child attended his first football game today, and tonight he’ll dream about birds.

Thanks to that guy those dreams won’t be about nice birds though. The birds will do crazy bird things, like set gas stations on fire…

Most shame to quarterbacks everywhere: Saying that Matthew Stafford looked horrible today is a blatant insult to horrible quarterbacks. He threw four interceptions, matching his total for the season prior to today, and he looked frustrated while being routinely flushed out of the pocket by Julius Peppers and Chicago’s front seven. A Detroit offensive line that silenced the doubters early in the season and allowed only five sacks over the Lions’ first four games has now watched Stafford crumble to the ground 14 times in the last five.

But it gets worse for Stafford. The Lions looked very much like the old Lions today and were down by three touchdowns at one point in the third quarter, which forced Stafford to throw 63 times and flirt with the record for the most pass attempts in a game (70).

He completed just 33 of those passes, which meant Matt Forte needed only an incompletion on a halfback pass to do this…

Yikes.

Best head toss/attempt to disfigure opposing player: Stafford had nearly the worst game of his career (he threw five interceptions in his sixth career start in 2009), and two of his four picks resulted in a Bears defender dancing in the end zone.

Quarterbacks are people too, and just like anyone near the end of a rough day of work Stafford had some built-up frustration he needed to release in the fourth quarter. So instead of doing something a little more conventional (squeezing a stress ball on the sideline, repeating a psychologically damaging word), Stafford chose to loosen D.J. Moore’s head from his shoulders after his third interception.

The result was some fine head toss form by Stafford, and a melee that led to Moore getting ejected.

In his mind, Stafford was somewhere else today, maybe in a change room with Maria Sharapova.