Best use of beer boxes: Let this be a lesson to everyone. Happy drinkers are proud drinkers, and they take great pride in flaunting their beer of choice to the world.
Unless, of course, you drink Pabst Blue Ribbon, a sinister alcoholic tonic.
Best reason to never, ever be an NFL referee: You’re spending your Sunday as you always do, planted in front of a television and watching 12 hours or football. Others who do not acknowledge the existence of a sport played with an egg-shaped ball do normal human things on Sundays, like laundry, long bike rides, and cookie baking.
Ron Winter spent part of his Sunday buried underneath 300-pound men…
Best turnaround: Matthew Stafford completed five of his first eight throws, which isn’t great, but it isn’t terrible either. The problem is that two of those throws went to Panthers defenders, and that’s terrible. At that point Stafford had thrown five interceptions over his last three quarters of football, and combined with Cam Newton the two quarterbacks in the Detroit-Carolina game threw three interceptions in the game’s first 13 pass attempts. It was a display of truly inept quarterbacking.
It was at this point when we all watched as Stafford fidgeted with his protective glove guarding his broken finger, and we prepared to witness another long afternoon for the leader of a regressing Lions offense.
Then after the first quarter Stafford incredibly completed 26 of his next 29 pass attempts for 269 yards and five touchdowns, and we stopped writing our Lions song eulogy that used “Dust in the Wind” as background music.
Best magic fingers: Lions tight end Tony Scheffler has fought pirates after a touchdown this season, and he’s knelt in prayer to pay his respects to Tim Tebow, our lord and savior.
Today he went with happy fingers, and only he knows why.
Worst post-contract nose dive: Combined, Stafford and Ryan Fitzpatrick threw 11 interceptions through Week 8, with Stafford accounting for just four. And combined, the quarterbacks of two of the hottest and most talked about turnaround teams earlier this season have now thrown 13 picks in the three weeks since then.
At least Stafford has the finger injury as an excuse, and he didn’t even need it after his aforementioned turnaround. Fitzpatrick, though, is healthy, and with every sack and interception he’s ruining the financial future of every quarterback who wants to be shown the money.
Since signing a six-year contract extension valued at $59 million with $24 million guaranteed in late October, Fitzpatrick has thrown eight picks, and he’s averaged 182 yards per game over the last three weeks. He’s also led a Buffalo offense that’s had a particularly glaring decline that started with a Week 9 divisional loss to the Jets, scoring just 26 points during that stretch of putrid play.
Most creative tackle: Having long grown tired of making it rain, Pacman Jones has now developed a fondness for hair, and specifically flowing, wavy dreadlocks…
(via Jose 3030)
Best new job application: The Packers have habitually spread the ball around this year to the point where both Gagnon and I are always prepared to receive a pass every Sunday between slices of pizza and sips of hangover-curing coffee. But an adventure to the back of their goal-line playbook that ended in a B.J. Raji rushing touchdown entered a new realm of the ridiculous.
With his one-yard first quarter score during Green Bay’s win over Tampa Bay, Raji matched the combined rushing touchdowns this season by Ryan Grant and James Starks, the Packers’ two platooning running backs. This gets even crazier when we look at some charts with a bunch of numbers to discover that the Packers have eight rushing touchdowns, and only one of them was scored by a guy that’s named either Grant or Starks.
Is Raji Green Bay’s new dual-threat player? We can only hope, because that means we’ll get to see The Raji far more often, and there’s nothing more entertaining than fat guy dancing.
Best mock: Nate Burleson thinks that Cam Newton should go suck on some Kryptonite…
(via Mike Tunison)
Best Marshawn Lynch impression: Remember that incredible 67-yard touchdown run by Marshawn Lynch last January during Wild Card Weekend that sunk the Saints? Of course you do. How can you forget an NFL running back using star power to shed the evil turtles who dared to stand in the way of his mission to save the princess?
Well, Marshawn, LeGarrette Blount will see your star power, and match it with his flower power. Dude spits out fire, and Green Bay defenders.
There’s at least six busted tackles on this unbelievable 54-yard run.