It’s the holiday season. You’re stressed, and you’re frustrated, and that’s only because you have no idea what the hell you’re going to cook for dinner tonight. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of everything, and if you follow the ideas in this weekly/sometimes weekly/maybe periodical post we’ll roll out until St. Nick boards his sleigh, you’ll have squiggly lines through the names on that list in no time.

Nothing says that you’re a cool and hip parent like a trendy gift with ties to pop culture. And you’re an even better parent if you can accomplish that while also pushing a religious deity on the growing minds of your fragile children.

So there’s only one answer: the Tim Tebow shirt.

But which one? That’s a terrible question, because you’re clearly getting more than one, and this is a gift that’s appropriate for more than just kids. The entire family needs to feel the insatiable passion of the Tebow through their garments. Grandma’s bones will grow stronger, and your wife’s really meaty meat loaf will become meatier.

But really, which one? Even if you’re buying several dozen Tebow shirts, there’s far too many available, making the decision difficult. We narrowed it down to our top 10, most of which pay homage to his current Bronco brilliance, but some vintage T-shirts give a nod to his Gator days, and they can all be purchased on eBay.

10. Tebow is Superman

Current price: $17.99

Does your child have a comic superhero infatuation? This shirt will quickly teach him that Superman doesn’t exist. There is only Tebow.

9. Tebow is the giver and taker of all human existence

Current price: $19.99

This could be a little too scary on Christmas morning, but you can’t hide your children from the truth.

8. Ideal for the rabid Tebower

Current price: $16

Has your son been Tebowing in family pictures? Make him an official member of an apparently international society dedicated to an Internet meme. Just make sure he’s not actually Peebowing when he’s kneeling under the tree.

7. A philosophical question: What would Tebow do?

Current price: $34.95

All the shirt-wearer can do is wonder. Only Tebow knows the answer.

6. Behold, the Tebow fish

Current price: $15.00

This one goes with No. 8, as only those who Tebow are permitted to wear the Tebow fish.

5. Tebow is the coolest cat in the hood

Current price: $17.99

Tebow is everything, from Messiah, to fish, and now…homeboy.

4. Tebow induces nightmares

Current price: $19.99

Just don’t go with this one if you’re buying for an actual defensive coordinator.

3. Wear your love everywhere

Current price: $7.99

Or is it “I pray for Tebow”? Or “I Tebow for Tebow”? My head hurts.

2. Always one step away from the promised land

Current price: $15.99

Who did we worship in December before Tebow?

1. The Mile High Messiah

Current price: $6.74

This one’s a hot seller, and it can be yours now for a bargain price. Somehow the selling of Jesus-related items at a discounted rate seems wrong and sacrilegious.

Comments (1)

  1. What rejuvenating delight your comments are. I had been confused and this article cut through the regular offerings that only show lacking essence. Im hoping for one more document along these topics soon.

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