For years, the first thing you got when googling “Jay Cutler” was the Wikipedia bio for an apparently famous bodybuilder who goes by the same name. While the football-playing Jay Cutler has since raised his Google profile above his celebrity namesake, the same can’t be said for Atlanta’s John Abraham, who is still trumped by a Bollywood actor, and Lee Evans, who takes a back seat to a world-renowned comedian.

So this week on Would You Rather, we’re asking who you’d rather be: Jay Cutler the bodybuilder, John Abraham the actor or Lee Evans the professional joker?

Jay Cutler
Age: 38
Measurements: 22-inch calves, 60-inch chest, 19.5-inch neck.
Accolades: Four-time Mr. Olympia.
Benefits: Can win a fight against everyone. Literally, everyone.
Drawbacks: Freak of nature. Roid rage. Potentially smallish testicles


John Abraham
Age: 38
Memorable quote: “And who will decide what is good and what is not?” — Water, 2005.
Accolades: Best supporting actor nominee at the 2006 Filmfare Awards for his role in Baabul.
Benefits: Really, really, ridiculously good looking; movie star in a country with 700 million women.
Drawbacks: May or may not know what NFL football is. Definitely can’t get it on TV.


Lee Evans
Age: 47
You may remember him from: There’s Something About Mary, in which he played Norm, a pizza-delivery boy posing as a disabled British architect in an effort to impress Cameron Diaz’s character.
Accolades: None really, but he’s become a very popular stand-up comedian.
Benefits: Hilarious.
Drawbacks: Sort of reminds us of Pee-wee Herman.

As you can tell, this comes down to brawn vs. charm vs. sense of humor. Do you wanna be jacked? Do you wanna be a heartthrob? Or do you wanna be the funniest guy in the room?

Sean Tomlinson’s take: Why is this even a debate? Of course you should take the quarterback. Wide receivers are widely available, and only the most elite are worth a high price in either free agency or the draft, and the same can be said about defensive ends to a degree. Whether or not Cutler is a franchise quarterback is an entirely different conversation, but he’s the pivot that anchors your offense, and the foundation that you build around.

Gagnon: Probably should have told him I wasn’t talking about the actual NFL players this week. As much as I love attempting to be the funny guy, I’m going with Abraham, who’s got nine years on Evans and is probably a lot richer than Cutler.

So, who would you rather?

Last week’s Would You Rather (when we actually took the column seriously): Matt Ryan or Joe Flacco?