Best mutant football player: The Cowboys didn’t claim Donovan McNabb to be Tony Romo’s new backup, and now we know why.

Earlier today they revealed their new second-stringer. His name is Zilgore, and he’s from the the planet Zilgex, a foreign land several galaxies away. He speaks very little English, but while he was warming up today prior to Dallas’ clustostrophe of a loss in Arizona, it quickly became obvious that he has tremendous arm strength.

He completed a pass to a homeless man outside of Cowboys Stadium.

(via Getty Images)

Easiest scapegoat: Jason Garrett’s odd and inexplicable decision to call a timeout and ice his own kicker will rightfully receive a large chunk of the blame for Dallas’ latest December debacle. Then the masses will turn to Tony Romo, because that’s what the masses do, especially in December.

They’ll call Romo a hater of all things Christmas, and the Super Bowl Scrooge who routinely teases those fragile Dallas hearts in November, before destructing in December. It’s true that a Romo crumble is as much a part of the holiday season as nana’s cranberry sauce, a snowman who walks and talks, and Mr. Hankey.

Romo’s all-time record in December is 10-14, and he’s 18-2 in November. His poor December numbers go beyond wins and losses, and in 2008, for example, Romo’s completion percentage dropped six points from November to December, and his yards per attempt declined by nearly three yards.

So we take that history, and we routinely use it as late-season ammunition against Romo, and often he’s deserves that gunfire. Just not today.

Not on a day when he didn’t throw an interception, and he completed 66.7 percent of his pass attempts. And not on a day when Dallas’ secondary allowed sophomore receiver Andre Roberts to finish with 111 receiving yards on six catches, the same Andre Roberts who had only one game with over 60 receiving yards in his 25 career games prior to today. Who was the opponent in that other 60-plus yard game during Roberts’ rookie season? The Cowboys, when he finished with 110 yards and a touchdown in Week 16 last year, with 74 of those yards coming on one play.

No, a far more appropriate Cowboys scapegoat is the running game, with everyman DeMarco Murray plummeting back through several stratospheres and finishing with just 38 rushing yards on 12 carries, and averaging just 3.2 yards per carry after he averaged a minimum of six yards when he emerged between Weeks 7 and 11.

Dallas finished with only 75 rushing yards between Murray, Felix Jones, and Romo against an Arizona defense allowing 123.5 yards per game on the ground.

Worst hand placement: Sacked indeed. (via Mocksession.com)

Tallest sideline photographer: NFL photographers are usually either rake-like in their appearance, or rotund and spherical. There are, well, just photographers, a noble and passionate pursuit, but a job nonetheless.

Randy Johnson is 6’10″, and he’s second all-time in strikeouts after spending 22 years as one of the most powerful pitchers in Major League Baseball history. So he’s not small, physically inept, or inconspicuous.

But there he was on the sidelines in Arizona partaking in his new retirement hobby of photography, and easily looking the part with his NFL vest. Johnson’s quickly getting addicted to his hobby, and this past summer he was in the pit at Lollapalooza in Chicago to personally document Soundgarden’s set.

This is a significant shift from Johnson’s previous relationship with cameras, which mostly consisted of smashing them on the cold, hard concrete of New York city streets.