The loneliest face in the world: I really hope Marion Barber is renting a place in Chicago. I also hope he has a kind and forgiving landlord, and that no one knows where he lives.
Don’t worry, Marion, because we have the perfect solution for survival in the city of Chicago. Find a blue hat, a pair of old glasses, and an old early 90s Walkman. You’ll blend right in.
(via Jose 3030)
The happiest face in the world: We can only wish to feel the same joy that Tim Tebow feels. So instead we’ll debate him mercilessly, and dedicate hours of television to answering a question that’s asked repeatedly using different words, and answered repeatedly using different words.
Eventually, we’ll all feel better about ourselves, and we’ll be guided to an intellectual Utopia by the passion of the Tebow.
This face instantly started another Tebow Interweb meme. Tomorrow if your boss abruptly stops in the middle of a boardroom presentation and holds his mouth wide open with his eyes firmly shut for several seconds, you’ll know what’s going on.
(pic via Mocksession.com)
Worst attempts to pass a football: At the 12:30 mark of the fourth quarter, Caleb Hanie and Tim Tebow had combined for just 121 passing yards after completing 12 of their first 31 pass attempts. That math adds up to a completion percentage of 38.7, with Tebow accounting for three of those completions on his 16 attempts.
That’s depressing abacus work even by Tebow’s lowly passing standards, and as we’ve seen so often with Denver’s highly inconsistent Messiah over his eight starts, this game reached the point where a simple completion from the pocket was a monumental accomplishment. Tebow’s 14-yard completion to Demaryius Thomas during the Broncos’ second drive of the fourth quarter was his first completion since the first quarter, ending a 0-for-11 stretch.
And those are the two paragraphs I wrote before the lord descended from the heavens again, saving his disciple from the wrath of Denver, and the fiery scourge of his loyal believers.
This is now becoming an exercise in mockery for Tebow. He’s teasing us, validating and then crushing every word we speak of him, and every belief we think is solidified. For over three quarters he’s often a loser, a quarterback whose elongated throwing motion and wobbly ball put him on the same level as a pre-schooler learning to jump rope.
Then suddenly he remembers that he’s in an offense that’s tailored to his every thought and movement, and he remembers how to run that offense, and in turn he remembers how to win a football game. But let’s be fair/realistic here: didn’t Hanie and Marion Barber lose this more than the Broncos won?
And will anyone even remember that Matt Prater booted a football a combined 110 yards between his game winning and game tying field goals? He needed 59 of those yards on the kick that sent the game to overtime, and it likely would have been good from at least five yards further.
Worst injury that would usually be a really big deal: Tebow makes everything in our lives feel significantly less important. If you’re just realizing right now that you’ve forgotten your anniversary, tell your wife that Tebow was busy winning. She’ll understand.
An exciting football team may be leading us to overlook a possibly historic football team, and a key member of the latter team went down as Green Bay cruised to a win over Oakland. Greg Jennings left in the third quarter with what’s being called a knee sprain, and Aaron Rodgers is already saying that he’s “hopeful” his No. 1 wide receiver will return for the playoffs. Jennings’ injury will be evaluated with an MRI tomorrow, but that’s already a pretty nasty and dirty word being used by his quarterback.
A nation of foam cheese wearers holds its breath after they watched Rodgers play nearly three full quarters in a 46-16 game. It’s time to start wondering if 16-0 is really worth the price in bruises and battered bones.