There are at least 18 ways to keep your shoes tied and combat the dangerous nuisance of dangling laces. Ndamukong Suh should try one the next time the Lions face the Packers, or maybe he should just try all of them.
You see, Suh’s Thanksgiving Day stomp wasn’t just the result of a deadly mixture of rage, stupidity, and a blatant lack of respect. No, shoelaces may be at least partly to blame.
Earlier this morning MLive.com passed along the tale of the anger induced by those delicate pieces of woven thread. Suh isn’t talking about his little dust up three weeks ago, but former Packers offensive lineman Matt Brock spoke pretty candidly during an appearance on a Portland radio station.
Brock still talks to his old teammates and coaches regularly, and he said that because injuries have led to inexperience among the men assigned to protect Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay offensive line coach James Campen needed an equalizer against Detroit’s pass rush. His solution? Shoelaces.
I’ll let Brock explain the rest.
The center, or one of his guards, he’s had like one or two starts in his career and he’s got to play against Suh. So he’s pretty puckered, right? So, he talking to James, the offensive line coach, going, “What do I do? What do I do?”
James is just in his mind going, “This guy is going to get killed. I got to take his mind off it, give him something else to do.” So he says, “Ok, every time you’re in a pile, I want you to focus on something. I want you to untie his shoes.”
He goes, “What?”
“Anytime you can, just reach in, he’s got floppy shoe laces, he doesn’t spat or anything, just untie his shoes. It will irritate him.
He untied his shoes three times in the game. That’s why he stomped him. That’s why he banged his head on the ground and he stomped him. When (Suh) went to the sideline it looked like he was telling the coach, “I didn’t do anything” and he put his foot up like, “I didn’t stomp him. I didn’t do anything.” He was actually going, “The damn guy keeps untying my shoes.”
If it helps (of course it does), here’s a shot of Suh’s shoes from that game…
I hear you, Ndamukong. There’s nothing more annoying than a constantly untied shoelace.
This highlights an even greater problem with our society and its technological advancements–or lack thereof–as we fly through the final weeks of 2011. We should have gone beyond the shoelace by now.
If we can put a man on the moon, we can invent a way to keep footwear fastened to our feet safely without the wasteful disturbance of having to make bows, loops, and knots, and without having to look like an unpopular grade six kid eating lunch by himself.
Suh has shown that shoelaces can hurt people. We should never let this happen again.