The next time you need to hide information from anyone, just slip into #Belichickmode. That’s when you conceal vital facts by doing something simple: say nothing to anyone, and if they keep pressing, just keeping saying nothing even though you’re still talking. The sheer confusion alone will melt brain cells.

Bill Belichick is legendary for two things: being a coaching genius, and being the troll who safeguards the truth in the Patriots fortress. He’s the leader of the Foxboro NSA, and the mafia hitman who whacks anyone who dares to exceed his level of truthiness.

This is nothing new, of course. Belichick has been one of the most boring coaches in sports for over a decade. But there are times when his stubborn stance produces comical results. Today was one of those times.

Tom Brady and Vince Wilfork were limited in practice today, and since neither player was listed on the injury report and they’re clearly massive in their importance on both sides of the ball, the media was naturally curious. It was most likely just a maintenance day for Brady and Wilfork, which is standard procedure for veterans near the end of a long and grueling season.

Belichick could have just said that, but he didn’t want to, because he had no desire to say anything at all.

Ian Rapoport is the Patriots beat guy for the Boston Herald, so he’s seen some of Belichick’s best performances at the podium. But he still called this exchange “Belichick at his finest” as the Patriot Jedi explained why he didn’t need to explain anything about Brady and Wilfork:

“There could be a lot of reasons,” Belichick said. “Personal reasons, guy could have to go to a funeral, a guy has a family issue, it’s not injury-related then it’s not injury-related. If it’s injury-related, then we’ll list it as that. I don’t know what you’re looking for. A guy’s got an injury, we’ll list injury. If he doesn’t have an injury, we say it’s not injury-related. What am I missing here?”

He was told fans can get a little nervous…

“Well, but if he doesn’t practice and it’s not injury-related, that’s how we’re going to list it,” Belichick said. “You want us to say he did practice when he didn’t practice? Why would we do that? If there’s an injury, we’ll list that, if it’s not, then we’ll list it.”

So, to review, it it’s not injury related, Belichick will not speak of it on any terms. And even if it is injury related, he’ll still mock the report for his own personal amusement, one day maybe even listing a player who doesn’t exist.