Most talented primates: Laugh now, but we’ll eventually recognize this as the day of reckoning, when our sheep dog riding monkey dictators first landed on earth. First they imposed their will on these mighty and dog-like beasts during halftime of the Broncos-Patriots game in Denver, and then later they turned their attention to the entire human race.
No one with a dog is safe. (pic via Mike Tunison)
If you need proof of the monkey’s power and ability to dominate a species, just look at what they’ve already done to the pigs…
And, worst of all, they’ve learned how to use motorized vehicles…
Best smashing of a career high: Carson Palmer has been effective so far in Oakland after an opening-week stumble, a feat made more impressive by the rampant injuries to Oakland’s key offensive contributors. Palmer’s been asked to be be Picasso, and he’s been given a box of Crayons, with Darren McFadden’s season derailed in Week 7, Jacoby Ford missing his fifth straight game today, and Denarius Moore returning today after missing three weeks.
Darrius Heyward-Bey also missed two games when Palmer first arrived. His absence has effected the growth of their chemistry, but there was a growth spurt today despite Oakland’s loss to Detroit, with Heyward-Bey catching six passes for 155 yards and a touchdown. That easily shattered his previous career high of 115 yards.
The worst people on the Internet: It’s nearly 2012, which means the only way we know what the weather’s like outside is to check the Internet. (Quick aside: this is actually true about the GLS workspace in The Score’s ivory towers in downtown Toronto, because we’re blocked off from all windows, and from society in general. We’ve adapted to the darkness quite well, and regularly during late nights blogging on Sundays we refuse to turn on any lights at Gagnon’s condo. Eventually we will live only in darkness.)
So in this age of advanced technological communication, we’re only able to gauge what the world or a specific area of the world finds interesting through the trending topics on Twitter. Often this means wondering what exactly makes our crazy lives so cray (an Italian cat inheriting $13 million, apparently). At one point today “Brady Quinn” was trending worldwide, presumably because he was shown for just a fleeting second by sideline cameras during Denver’s loss to New England.
So I clicked on that Twitter link even though I knew what was on the other side, and it was a decision I immediately regretted. There was plenty of joking Quinn rippage, and girls wanting to do things to Tim Tebow and/or Quinn that will never be written or spoken of again. And then something unfathomable in its stupidity happened: people were either calling for Quinn to replace Tebow, or saying that Quinn would have had more success against the Patriots.
These people actually exist, which in itself isn’t surprising. Tebow’s polarizing nature has made the divide he creates incredibly rigid. What’s amazing is how quickly the process of feeding that divide takes place once Tebow falters even slightly, and just how much the public’s pursuit of hating leads to a loss of reality and, maybe more importantly, intelligence.
Easiest punchline: The Interwebs are a cavern of bad religious jokes right now, so we won’t add to it any more than we already have. We’d just like you to know that God was indeed present at today’s game, and he wasn’t pleased with Tom Brady.
Worst perception of field geography: Again, Tebow gets praised when he wins, even though much of his winning has been on the shoulders of his defense. And he’ll be heavily criticized after today’s loss, even though much of it can also be placed on the shoulders of his defense, a unit that’s given up a combined 86 points during Denver’s losses to New England and Denver while Tebow’s been under center.
Tebow was the same quarterback this week as he’s been every week, minus #Tebowtime and the miraculous late-game heroics. He completed a few passes, missed on many more (he was 11 for 22), and was far more comfortable running than standing stationary in the pocket, rushing for 93 yards and scoring twice on the ground. None of this surprising.
Nothing changed, except his ability to run forward. While trying to play God with his team down 18 points late in the foruth quarter, Tebow ran backwards 28 yards in an attempt to avoid a sack. The resulting 28-yard sack was just one yard shy of Bob Griese’s record loss via the sack in Super Bowl VI.
Tebow doesn’t do anything halfway.
Most dedicated parking lot NFL Sunday Ticket subscribers: There are no generators in Denver. None.