Whaddayaknow? All four of the coolest cities prevailed on wild-card weekend. So now I guess ya’ll can start taking this thing seriously.

(Category winners italicized.)

New Orleans vs. San Francisco

Population
New Orleans: 500,000
San Francisco: 800,000

Claims to fame
New Orleans: Mardi Gras
San Francisco: Golden Gate Bridge; steep, curvy streets

Nickname(s)
New Orleans: The Big Easy, The Crescent City
San Francisco: The City by the Bay

Coolest celebrities 
New Orleans: Lil Wayne, Ellen Degeneres
San Francisco: Clint Eastwood, Leslie Mann

Hottest celebrities
New Orleans: Reese Witherspoon, Tia Texada
San Francisco: Lyndsy Fonseca, Marisa Miller 

Weather
New Orleans: Red
San Francisco: Blue

Winner: New Orleans. But I’d argue San Fran scores more points than any other city except New York.

Denver vs. Boston

Population
Denver: 600,000
Boston: 600,000

Claims to fame
Denver: Altitude and the Rocky Mountains
Boston: America’s higher education Mecca

Nickname
Denver: Mile-High City
Boston: Beantown

Coolest celebrities 
Denver: Dog the Bounty Hunter and The Fray (seriously, that’s all we got)
Boston: Chris Evans, Mark Wahlberg, Jay Leno, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon

Hottest celebrities
Denver: Kristin Cavallari, Lindsey Vonn
Boston: Maria Menounos, Eliza Dushku, Daniela Ruah

Weather
Denver: Red
Boston: Blue

Winner: New England. Way cooler celebs despite not having a size advantage.

Houston vs. Baltimore

Population
Houston: 2.1 million
Baltimore: 650,000

Claims to fame
Houston: NASA; health care
Baltimore: Crab cakes; murder; The Wire

Nickname
Houston: Space City
Baltimore: Charm City

Coolest celebrities
Houston: Hilary Duff, Jennifer Garner
Baltimore: Edward Norton, Julie Bowen

Hottest celebrities
Houston: Beyonce Knowles
Baltimore: Anna Faris, Stacy Keibler

Weather
Houston: Red
Baltimore: Blue

Winner: Houston. Field goal game, though. Mainly because Baltimore has produced way cooler people and The Wire rocks our world.

New York vs. Green Bay

Population
New York: 8 million
Green Bay: 100,000

Claims to fame
New York: 47 million tourists visit NYC each year; Broadway; Statue of Liberty
Green Bay: The Packers, cheese

Nickname(s)
New York: The Big Apple, The City that Never Sleeps, Gotham
Green Bay: Titletown, USA

Coolest celebrities
New York: Adam Sandler, Jon Stewart, Steve Buscemi, Jimmy Fallon, Lady Gaga, Jay-Z, Anne Hathaway
Green Bay: Tony Shalhoub

Meet Green Bay's biggest celeb.

Hottest celebrities
New York: Hayden Panettiere, Scarlett Johansson, Olivia Wilde, Emmy Rossum
Green Bay: Heather Graham, Jessica Szohr (both from Milwaukee)

Weather
New York: Red
Green Bay: Blue

Winner: New York. Like, 49-0.

(Weather maps via Weather.com.)