Start vacuum sealing meat and collecting vast supplies of navy beans. Surely you have several crates of batteries lying in the basement still after the Y2K scare 12 years ago too, and make sure that you clear all the alcohol from the bomb shelter haphazardly built during those frantic times. In just less than a month, it could have a far more important purpose.
Earlier this week Tiger Woods announced that he’ll be playing in the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am for the first time since 2002. Although he improved as last season came to a close, Woods’ play has declined over the past year or so since he stopped compulsively fornicating with women not named Elin, and then struggled with injuries.
But Woods at any tournament is still a massive draw, so naturally when he announced his intention to play, organizers of a tournament best known for Bill Murray’s afternoons strolling in long grass immediately began to think of an appropriate celebrity playing partner for golf’s biggest celebrity. The possible conclusion of that search is so obvious, yet so very frightening.
Yes, it was nice living in this world, wasn’t it? Tell us about our impending doom, Global Golf Post:
A highly placed source at the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am confirmed Thursday that the tournament is strongly considering issuing an invitation to Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow. The source also told Global Golf Post that if Tebow accepts, the tournament’s first choice as a partner for Tebow will be Tiger Woods.
The tournament is slated to begin Thursday, Feb. 9, so even in the highly unlikely event that Tebow takes the Broncos to the Super Bowl, there still won’t be a scheduling conflict, with the most important football game in the universe slotted for Feb. 5. The Global Golf Post also reported that Tony Romo is another potential partner for Woods, but that’s a tired NFL/PGA crossover.
We might not be able to handle Tebow and Woods sharing the same fairway, or the same space anywhere ever. But we have to be strong, mostly because watching Tebow morph into Wolverine on every tee block and unleash his blinding fury on tiny white balls will be terrific.
It wouldn’t be Tebow’s first foray into the world of giggling celebrity golf. He was paired with Jack Nicklaus, Jason Taylor, and Kenny G last year at the Honda Classic. One of those things is not like the others, and none of them are like Tebow. No one is.
Tebow may be able to smack balls onto golf courses located in neighboring states, but Happy Gilmore probably has a better short game.
Thanks, Andrew Bucholtz