There’s no football for seven months. You’re mad, lost, and scared. You assume that NFL players do things to prepare for the season. Things like run, lift weights, and eat apples. Like your kindergarten scrapbook that’s filled with sand and stick men, our Offseason Scrapbook will track the travels and trials of NFL players through their social media rantings during this time of freedom.
I can’t say or read Brent Grimes’ name without thinking of a disgruntled nuclear plant employee who lives under one bowling alley and above another. That is, of course, the fictionalized Frank Grimes who briefly lived in Springfield before deciding that playing with live wires was better than working alongside Homer Simpson.
From September until January and beyond, Atlanta’s Grimes is a cornerback, and a pretty good one. After clawing to the NFL and playing in Europe, the 28-year-old completed his second full season as a starter this year after going to Hawaii in 2010 as a Pro Bowler.
From February to late July-ish, Grimes has adopted a new hobby: amateur Instagram photographer.
Now, I’m trying to avoid being pretentious and pompous here like an artsy hipster who knows artists that likely don’t exist. But I’m well versed in the fine craft of capturing the essence of a lonely man on a bench.
Grimes is too, and this, friends, is how it’s done.
Grimes wondered if his subject just received bad news, showing that his field instincts and vision carry over to photography, as he can immediately identify an unfortunately-placed ad.
Grimes presumably lives in L.A. during the offseason, an assumption based on both his photography subjects, and his frequent musings about the city’s finest accommodations. When he’s not providing social commentary, he’s teaching his son valuable life skills, and pondering the existence of giant, cracking, curling, possibly record-setting toe nails.
He’s also taken in some fine films since Atlanta was knocked out of the playoffs by the Giants during Wild Card Weekend, and was especially amused by Forest Gump and his disruption of the Black Panther party.
But, most of all, during his offseason down time Grimes truly admires a woman who can go straight from a photoshoot to cooking mass quantities of bacon. Much like his wife Miko, who’s also not afraid to put local sportswriters on her front burner.
Offseason family life has given Grimes the opportunity to analyze the playground motivations of young minds, and why his child would possibly bolt for the wood chips rather than experience the gleeful rush of the slide, with arms flailing more excitedly than Tom Brady’s as he conquered a 12-foot mountain of terror.
Parenthood has many other offseason benefits beyond the entertaining and impossible task of reading a child’s brain. Grimes now has the entire Backyardigans theme song memorized, so we’ll end with the mental image of Grimes singing along with a dancing penguin, and various other creatures…